The Spiritual Art of Raising Children with Disabilities
Different Dream readers, you’re in for a treat. I’m pleased to welcome Kathleen Bolduc, my friend, fellow Not Alone guest blogger, and author. She’s the mother of a 29-year-old son with autism. She’s also a spiritual director in Oxford, Ohio, and the author of several books on faith and disability. Today is the last day of her blog tour in conjunction with the release of her new book, The Spiritual Art of Raising Children with Disabilities. As part of the tour, Kathleen is sharing an excerpt from the book.
In the Garden
In simple humility, let our gardener, God, landscape you with the Word,
making a salvation-garden of your life.
James 1:21 (The Message)
This morning I bring my Bible, journal, and cup of tea into the garden. A light mist hangs over the fields across the road, and I am surprised to see tender green shoots of corn forming rows where yesterday there was nothing but dirt. All around me, Dame’s Rocket thrusts purple and white spires toward the skies like holy hands reaching toward heaven. Boxwood shimmers greenly in the breeze, and a yellow weed at the fence line bursts into flame as a sunbeam peeks through the clouds.
The words of Psalm 63, my reading this morning, reverberate through my mind. “O God, thou art my God, I seek thee, my soul thirsts for thee; my flesh faints for thee, as in a dry and weary land where no water is.”
In the sanctuary of this garden the desert landscape of my heart—that dry and dusty place where worry and anxiety about my son, Joel, who has autism, sometimes threaten to overwhelm me—turns to an oasis of green, flowing with streams of living water. Prayer rises up within me as praise.
No wonder poets and songwriters often refer to the garden as a metaphor for prayer.
And yet, gardens are not always lush and beautiful. Think of the garden in the midst of drought. Parched plants wilt. Green leaves turn to brown. What was abounding in exuberance just weeks before suddenly sags under the weight of cloudless skies with no promise of rain in sight. Nothing will revive the drought-stricken garden like a soft, gentle, soaking rain.
It is no different for the gardens of our hearts. Sometimes, in the words of my son Joel at the end of a major melt-down, “We need Jesus!”
As the mother of a son with autism, I was first drawn more deeply into prayer because of an intense thirst for God’s presence. I was desert-thirsty, parched for the living waters Jesus promises in John 4:14: “. . . but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst; the water that I shall give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”
The more I spend time with God the more the garden of my heart blooms with an unquenchable love for the things of the Spirit. I need God’s presence just as my garden needs the rain.
Take some time to be quiet and meet with God. Listen to what rises up from within. Have a conversation with God. You may have questions to ask him. Ask, expecting to receive an answer. Tell Him what’s on your heart. Be honest with Him. Bare your vulnerable places. And then, once you’ve emptied your heart, simply listen. He has much to say to you.
Lord, I thank you and praise you for your living waters.
Open me up, Lord. Open me up to your thirst-quenching presence.
Water me, Lord. Water me.
- Where do you most often meet God? Nature? Bible study? Service? Worship? Journaling?
- How might you establish a pattern of going there to pray on a consistent basis?
- In what way do you most often pray? Do you feel “pot-bound”? Might God be calling you to a new prayer avenue?
- What kind of prayer will help you more often to be aware of Jesus’ presence with you?
Excerpted from The Spiritual Art of Raising Children with Disabilities (Judson Press, 2014)
Used with permission.
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By Jolene
Jolene Philo is the author of the Different Dream series for parents of kids with special needs. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. She’s also the creator and host of the Different Dream website. Sharing Love Abundantly With Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and at Amazon.
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“The more I spend time with God the more the garden of my heart blooms with an unquenchable love for the things of the Spirit. I need God’s presence just as my garden needs the rain.”
Why I want this book – my soul is wandering in the desert. Every time an oasis appears and I go to dive into the waters, I find myself dirtier, drier, and more thirsty than ever before. I cannot explain the why, but I can say that I honestly feel (along with my pastor-husband) that our family is under spiritual attack. From physical health to mental, emotional and spiritual health, every member of our 5 member family is taking hits from all sides. Including our children ages 10 and under. And I am so incredibly tired and so very, very thirsty.
Due to therapy and my husband’s work scheduling that cannot be changed, I am unable to attend the Bible study at our church. I found another one during the day that just ended for the summer. I cannot find one close enough or at a good time for me to attend. I have no Christian special needs friends that are local. The ones I have are all long-distance friends whom I love dearly, but we can only talk on the phone as the most personal form of communication. I have no one’s neck to hug. No eyes that look back at me with that “I know” look. I’m just so thirsty for true fellowship within this disability world that looks to Jesus more than therapy.
You are such a good grandma/mamma to your sweet Angel. She’s blessed to have you!
Thanks, Amy. You are entered in the drawing.
Beautiful, Kerith.
I know God meets us where we are. I just try to make it easier for both of us. It’s always in the quiet times. You can’t hear His voice amongst the noise of life.
I have two children with autism: my daughter, Megan, is 23 and my son, Bill, is 20. I learn so much from other parents.
Without the Lord, I could not be raising our 4 year old autistic little one. I’m 60 and we just adopted her-she was a granddaughter prior to the April 28th. How can I be closer to Jesus so that I can be the best mommy to her, Angel Joy.
Thanks for entering, Elizabeth!
We have one son with autism who is graduation from high school, and another who is entering high school next year. This would be a great source of refreshment!
My son has severe brain injury and it is often hard to understand why this happened to him. At 9 years old he is much like an infant and total care. I really need guidance in helping my two typical teenage daughters in understanding the beauty that is their brother. This has been a difficult journey for them also.
We’re entering a difficult transition period (high school graduation) and I feel I need this kind of encouragement.