Photo Source: ambro at www.freedigitalphotos.net

Today guest blogger Amy Stout unveils a new series about special needs YES MOMS today. In Part 1 she describes six strategies employed by YES MOMS. Tomorrow in Part 2, she’ll be back with two more, and she’ll describe what a YES MOM in action is like.

Strategies of a Special Needs YES MOM, Part 1

The Lord chose to make me wait a decade before he blessed me with a child. During that very long wait, I had a wonderful opportunity to observe parents in various situations as they made the valiant attempt to raise healthy, happy, and productive children. One of the observations that I made was that children don’t like the word NO. In fact, they rebel against it and often times a tug of war ensues. The word NO seemed to inflame an already heated situation. So, I decided that I was going to be a YES MOM.

What is a YES MOM?

A YES MOM is not Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy or a Fairy Godmother granting each and every wish and whim their child expresses. She is not a pushover and does not agree to every activity or volunteer opportunity. However, a YES MOM does use several effective strategies.

#1: A YES MOM Sets Expectations to Avoid a NO Situation

She clearly communicates what is coming next. This might be a daily schedule, use of a whiteboard, or a handwritten note. It might be a verbal communication, or visual communication. It might even be one task broken down into steps (ie: Brushing teeth—first we rinse the toothbrush, then we put on toothpaste, then we scrub the top teeth… etc). She always rewards the child for carefully following directions.

#2: A YES MOM Is a Problem Solver

She helps her child brainstorm and think through a possible solution. If her child is missing a book, she doesn’t say, “No, I have no idea where you left your book.” Instead, she might suggest that the last time they had the book was in the family room and then ask her child some investigative questions to prompt remembrance. She might even give her child a magnifying glass and pretend the child is a private investigator and write down clues that get one step closer to finding the missing item. She then celebrates the discovery with her child.

#3: A YES MOM Understands WIFM

Every child wants to know “If I cooperate, how will this benefit me?” A YES MOM always removes the questions and uncertainty and knows how to point out the benefit of cooperation. This benefit may not be something physical or reward driven, but could simply be the benefit of the child knowing that they are an important part of the family unit. She might say, “I loved the way you put the silverware in the drawer tonight. It makes Daddy and me so happy when the tools we use are ready and available when we need them. You did a great job. Your family appreciates you and your contribution.”

#4: A YES MOM Is a Team Player

She involves her children in everyday decision making. She might allow them to plan dinner one night a week, help decide what to purchase or make Grammy for her birthday or have the special privilege of being the grocery shopping helper for the week—which always ends in a small treat.  Shared experiences draw us closer to one another.  If parents are always calling the shots, the children never learn important leadership skills.

#5: A YES MOM Empowers Children

Sometimes the order of events in a day can be flexible. A YES MOM knows that this is a great time to allow her child to be in charge and exercise sound decision-making skills. She involves her child in the process of making a list of what needs to be accomplished in a certain time frame and then empowers them to decide which order to complete them. For example, a YES MOM might say, “Sweetie, can you think of anything that we need to do this morning?” She prompts and suggests, helping the child think of tasks that need to be accomplished such as eat breakfast, take a bath, feed the cat, shop for groceries. She then lets her child decide which task to complete first. They keep a visual list and cross things off as they are completed. A YES MOM always verbally shows appreciation and respect for the way the child handled organizing their time and accomplishing the tasks.

#6: A YES MOM Is Open to the Ideas of Others

She solicits suggestions and ideas from her children. She presents the scenario and then asks probing questions of her children as to what their ideas would be in order to resolve the situation. She then tries to implement as many of those suggestions as possible or help the children realize what would be workable or not workable. Children love the trial-and-error experiment and enjoy seeing their ideas put in motion. This exercise greatly lifts a child’s self-esteem and helps them exercise problem-solving skills.

A YES MOM Says, “I’m Coming Back Tomorrow…”

…because tomorrow, Amy will be back with two more strategies employed by YES MOMS and ideas about how to put them into practice. Until then, leave your best YES MOM strategies in the comment box and check out Amy’s blog, His Treasured Princess.

Strategies of a Special Needs YES MOM, Part 2

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