Guest blogger Kathy Guzzo is back after a season of dealing with health issues. Today, she’s glad to announce that not only is her health better, but also her adult daughter’s health is improving, too. Today, Kathy writes about how she’s learning to focus on the future again.

Focus on the Future

It had been more than ten years, that’s more than 3650 day since I had seen my daughter styling her own natural hair. Ten years of hairpieces, baseball caps, scarves, and hoodies. Ten years of the constant reminder that she had a chronic illness. Ten years of hoping and fervently praying that one day, life would get better for her. And then it happened. Her hair grew back.

The Past

The saga of my daughter’s hair loss began when she became seriously ill at the age of 16. The stress on her body of two years without a correct diagnosis of lupus and Epstein Barr Replication came severe complications to her organs, muscles and obviously immune system.

Prior to becoming ill, she loved sports; her hair was long, thick and usually pulled back in a ponytail through her baseball cap. When she began losing her hair, she didn’t verbally complain, didn’t lash out at those that stared at her with questioning eyes, but she did become more introverted.

During the toughest years of her illness, although we didn’t really discuss her hair loss, which included brows and lashes, our entire family continually supported her through the ups and downs of the diseases. However, as her mom a piece of my heart broke each time I thought about how these diseases weren’t just ravaging her body internally, but they were attacking her outwardly as well.

The Present

It wasn’t until her hair began growing back, that I realized part of me had lost hope in that possibility. I was afraid to hope, afraid to raise my expectations for a small thing like hair for my daughter, afraid of appearing vain on her behalf, After all, hair is just hair and not as important as her overall health.

Now that her hair has been steadily growing back for a year, I once again find myself struggling with fear. Before it was the fear that it wouldn’t grow back, now it’s the fear that it will fall out again. And that is an awful place to be and not at all where God wants me to be.

The Future

Continually looking back at what was, forces me to take my eyes off of what will be. Even allowing myself to mentally walk backwards, while facing forward creates a shadow of the past and may still cause me to stumble. I need not fear nor walk in the shadow of the past, it can’t be changed. And, I shouldn’t fear the future, what may or may not happen. I need to rejoice in the victories of today, smile when she tells me she got her hair cut again and needs to learn how to style it now that it’s growing in curly.

To accomplish this I have a few phrases I say to myself, sometimes even out loud.

• When fearful, I ask myself “What If…?” and realize even in the worse case repeat scenario, I remember we’ve been there, done that, and we can do it again if necessary.
• When I feel I’m unable to move forward, I remind myself that all mountains are scaled one step at a time, so while I force myself to take a even a small step, I think about the view that’s ahead.
• When I’m struggling to find even a small victory, I choose joy, not because I necessarily feel like being joyful, but because I can rejoice in knowing that God is not only able, He is able to surprise us.

These days, I focus on the future: on moving ahead, anticipating the surprise God has around the next corner, finding hope in the future, not looking back at the shadows of the past.

How Do You Focus on the Future?

Kathy wrote about how she’s learned to focus on the future. How about you? How do you focus on the future instead of dwelling on past difficulties in your life as the parent of a child with special needs? Leave your ideas in the comment box below. Thanks!

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