Trust Nancy Flanders to face tough special needs parenting issues without flinching. Today, she begins a two part series near and dear to parents of kids whose special needs have a genetic component. Nancy tackles the issue with a list of six item that give her (and hopefully you) more clarity. In Part 1, you’ll read #1 and #2 on the list.
On Having More Children, Part 1
I always wanted a big family. And by big, I don’t mean “Duggar big”. I figured 5 kids would be good because (A) I come from a family of 4 kids and (B) I like odd numbers. But by the time I got married (at age 28) and waited for my husband to be ready (age 30), I felt like 3 would be a good number. But then our first child was born with cystic fibrosis. And when you have a child born with an incurable, life-threatening, horrible genetic condition like CF, there is an immediate sense that having more children would be wrong.
Surprise, Surprise!
Fast forward one year and three months and I was pregnant with baby #2. I still was unsure if we should have more children, but God answered back with this great surprise. And now we have two little girls, one with CF and one who is a carrier of CF like me and my husband. I should be thankful for what I have, and I am. But I still want that one more. I still feel like there is one more person that is suppose to join the family. I can’t shake it. I’ve heard plenty from the peanut gallery. The most common is, “What if that baby had CF and then you’d really have your hands full.” Plus, “Your non-CF child would be lost in the shuffle.” And there’s the, “People with CF aren’t suppose to be around each other so how could two with CF live together?” Lots of questions.
Make a List
So, how does a person like me make a decision like this? With a list.
- Do you have a support team? There needs to be people in your life who support you in more ways than the occasional phone call vent. There should be people who understand your rules and needs when it comes to your child with special health issues, and who understand the needs of that child and any other children you have. They should be well-versed in treatments and schedules and medications. They should be able to do everything that you do for your child just as well as you do. This not only offers protection for your child should something happen to you, but allows you a much needed, worry-free break from time to time.
- How are your finances? You should definitely consider your finances, and I don’t mean income. I always say that it doesn’t matter how much you make, but how you spend it. If you are strapped down with medical bills, having another child who might also have an expensive medical condition might not be a great idea. But, if you figure out ways to get rid of medical expenses and so-called “latte” purchases than you might be able to swing it. For example, my state offers great coverage for children with special needs and also for children living within certain household income ranges. If you and your spouse are both working and still falling behind because of medical expenses, you should look into the options that are available if you stay home with your child with special needs. We were advised not to put our daughter in daycare. So I stay home with them. Therefore our co-pay with our Children with Special Health Needs insurance is lower than it would be if I were working. Someday I will go back to work, but for right now it is best for our daughter’s health and for our expenses for me to stay home. To find out about the services in your state, just Google “Children with Special Health Needs” and your state name. If pride is all you have to lose, than what are you waiting for?
Come Back for More Tomorrow
The first two items on Nancy’s list are plenty to think about for now. Tomorrow, she’ll be back with four more questions for parents wondering about having more children. In the meantime, if you have thoughts to share about what you’re read so far, please leave a comment in the box!
Nancy Flanders is a wife and mother of two girls, one with cystic fibrosis. After her daughter’s diagnosis at just 6 days old, she altered her career path to focus on writing about raising a child with a special health need. She spends any free moment she can find fundraising for a cure for her daughter and volunteering for her hospital’s cystic fibrosis advisory group. Visit Nancy at www.chronicadmissions.blogspot.com and www.parentingsquad.com.
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