On Having More Children, Part 2

Should parents who have 1 child with genetic special needs be having more children? Nancy Flanders offers guidelines for parents asking that question.

Yesterday, guest blogger Nancy Flanders talked about two issues parents of kids with special needs should consider when thinking about expanding their families – level of support and finances. Today, she shares four more issues to help parents wondering about having more children gain clarity about their family’s future.

On Having More Children, Part 2

#3 – How’s Your Faith?

How is your faith? Seriously, faith matters. For those with faith, special needs aren’t a curse, but part of a plan. God doesn’t wish for us, especially children, to suffer. It breaks His heart too. But He finds use for our suffering, as in John 9 when the disciples ask Jesus why the man was born blind. Jesus answers, “this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.”  We know that we as parents aren’t choosing to have a child with a special need. We are choosing to have a child. This is a gift, no matter what the future holds. We must have faith in order to survive. And your level of faith will make a difference in whether or not you could handle having another child with a special need.

#4 – How Does Your Spouse Feel?

How does your spouse feel? This is obviously important and should not be overlooked. Planning another baby on purpose when your spouse isn’t ready or is uncertain is a bad idea. You should talk to each other and listen to each other openly and honestly before making the decision.

#5 – Are You Afraid?

Are you afraid? We are all anxious at times when wondering how our decisions will affect the rest of our lives and the lives of others. But you shouldn’t let fear be the reason you make a decision. Logic and reason, trust and love should play a part. Fear should never win.

#6 – What About Adoption?

What about adoption? You don’t just have to add to your family biologically. There are thousands of children waiting for a home, and more are born every day. But this is just as big a step as having a baby and all of the above considerations must be taken into account.

Only Time Will Tell

There are plenty of other considerations when deciding if you should have another child who might have a special health need including your living arrangements and your ability to give attention to each child. But for each setback, there is a solution. You just need to be willing to find it. It all comes down to what is best for you and your family. As for mine, only time will tell.

What Would You Add to the List?

What do you think of Nancy’s list of things to consider about having more children? Does one of the items speak to you? Do you have more considerations to add to the list? Leave a comment to share your wisdom. Nancy and I would love to hear from you.

Nancy Flanders is a wife and mother of two girls, one with cystic fibrosis. After her daughter’s diagnosis at just 6 days old, she altered her career path to focus on writing about raising a child with a special health need. She spends any free moment she can find fundraising for a cure for her daughter and volunteering for her hospital’s cystic fibrosis advisory group. Visit Nancy at www.chronicadmissions.blogspot.com and www.parentingsquad.com.

Part One

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Should parents who have 1 child with genetic special needs be having more children? Nancy Flanders offers guidelines for parents asking that question.

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8 Comments

  1. Christine Christine
    December 30, 2011    

    I just read both your blogs and my heart has been echoing the same thoughts. I too have heard from the peanut gallery pro’s and mainly con’s. Along with the look that I’m crazy or why would I take on more but it’s hard when you have a feeling in your soul that the empty seat at your table is missing someone. I’ve made a list and right now it’s still just a list. I’m not sure anyone will ever fill that empty seat and the children that I have fill my day’s and nights with love and attention. I just get caught up in the what if’s. What if my other child is in the hospital long term who cares for the newborn? What if they are born disabled too, but that doesn’t seem to bother me as much as I knew my child was before he was born but he was amazing and I couldn’t picture my life with out him. I wish you luck on your journey know whatever you choose it will be the right choice. 🙂

  2. Christine Christine
    December 30, 2011    

    I just read both your blogs and my heart has been echoing the same thoughts. I too have heard from the peanut gallery pro’s and mainly con’s. Along with the look that I’m crazy or why would I take on more but it’s hard when you have a feeling in your soul that the empty seat at your table is missing someone. I’ve made a list and right now it’s still just a list. I’m not sure anyone will ever fill that empty seat and the children that I have fill my day’s and nights with love and attention. I just get caught up in the what if’s. What if my other child is in the hospital long term who cares for the newborn? What if they are born disabled too, but that doesn’t seem to bother me as much as I knew my child was before he was born but he was amazing and I couldn’t picture my life with out him. I wish you luck on your journey know whatever you choose it will be the right choice. 🙂

  3. December 30, 2011    

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Christine. It is a hard decision with no absolute right answer for everyone.

    Jolene

  4. December 30, 2011    

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Christine. It is a hard decision with no absolute right answer for everyone.

    Jolene

  5. Nancy Woleslagle Nancy Woleslagle
    January 7, 2012    

    I have thought quite a bit on my response for this blog. My husband and I talked and prayed much on this issue earlier in our marriage after having preemie twins and 2 kids from his first marriage. God has brought us to believe we are to live by the Genesis charge in 1:28. We have 6 children together now.

    Nancy’s list is a good one however it all comes down to faith and trust in the Lord. If you are going to trust the Lord with your current children, can you trust Him with the ones to come?

    Christine, I’ve had the same questions you mention and still do. I would recommend the book Be Fruitful And Multiply by Nancy Campbell. A great Biblical book on the reasons God wants us to have more children. I didn’t even have to read the whole book to know that having more children is God’s plan for us. That said, I do not believe God’s plan is the same for all of us. Therefore, pray, pray and pray with your husband. Listen to the Spirit.

    So at our house, we refer to ourselves as “6 and Counting”. I would love to have another child, but oh, I know how hard it will be. As with all my daily struggles, I keep telling myself the promises from Scripture.

  6. Nancy Woleslagle Nancy Woleslagle
    January 7, 2012    

    I have thought quite a bit on my response for this blog. My husband and I talked and prayed much on this issue earlier in our marriage after having preemie twins and 2 kids from his first marriage. God has brought us to believe we are to live by the Genesis charge in 1:28. We have 6 children together now.

    Nancy’s list is a good one however it all comes down to faith and trust in the Lord. If you are going to trust the Lord with your current children, can you trust Him with the ones to come?

    Christine, I’ve had the same questions you mention and still do. I would recommend the book Be Fruitful And Multiply by Nancy Campbell. A great Biblical book on the reasons God wants us to have more children. I didn’t even have to read the whole book to know that having more children is God’s plan for us. That said, I do not believe God’s plan is the same for all of us. Therefore, pray, pray and pray with your husband. Listen to the Spirit.

    So at our house, we refer to ourselves as “6 and Counting”. I would love to have another child, but oh, I know how hard it will be. As with all my daily struggles, I keep telling myself the promises from Scripture.

  7. January 7, 2012    

    Dear Nancy,

    Thank you for sharing your heart. And thanks for acknowledging that what God knows is right for one family may not be what He sees as right for another family.

    Jolene

  8. January 7, 2012    

    Dear Nancy,

    Thank you for sharing your heart. And thanks for acknowledging that what God knows is right for one family may not be what He sees as right for another family.

    Jolene

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Meet Jolene

Jolene Philo is a published author, speaker, wife, and mother of a son with special needs.

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