Yesterday, guest blogger Kathy Guzzo explained how she and her adult daughter with special needs developed a list of boundaries concerning her medical needs. In today’s post, Kathy shares how she and her husband showed their daughter how the boundaries listed in the first part of this series would help them both accept the responsibilities associated with her medical care.
Setting Special Needs Boundaries, Part 2
Andrea was always strong willed and determined, which has helped her survive many complications during her illness, yet when it came to relinquishing some of the independence that she had gained during her first six months of college life there was a slight tug of war.
Both Sides Accepting Responsibilities is Important
We reminded her that being independent didn’t mean she couldn’t ask for help at times. We were a family and would always be dependent on one another and that was okay. We were also very straight forward in stating that we had willingly taken on the responsibility of helping her with college expenses and paying her medical costs, so in return and out of respect for us, her responsibility was to inform us of her health issues as they occurred.
Seeing Positive Results
In the end she realized that it wasn’t that we didn’t trust her, or think that she wasn’t capable of taking care of herself. We set the boundaries out of love, concern, practicality, and to help us sleep at night. So when calls like the one mentioned above occurred, sometimes in the middle of the night, as I waited for the next call to get an update I’d pray for her health, but I also thanked God for each portion of wisdom He gave helping us all navigate her unique road to adulthood.
What Have You Learned?
Kathy, her husband, and daughter had a crash course in setting workable boundaries when Andrea went away to college shortly after being diagnosed with lupus. Your experiences with an adult child with special needs may be different than the Guzzos, but they probably taught you a great deal. If you would like to share lessons learned during your crash course as the parents of an adult child with special needs, please leave a comment.
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