Just talk. That’s guest blogger Kimberly Drew’s advice for parents worrying about their children’s future. Today Kimberly talks about what happens when she and her husband make time to just talk.
The summer sun is staying up longer in the day and I find myself waiting for it to get dark to put the kids to bed. There is something about those couple of hours when they are all tucked in and my husband Ryan and I have a few minutes of peace and quiet. The last few years have been a strain as we have accepted the call and challenge of adopting a child with special needs. This brings our family total to two children with disabilities and two without.
Most days we feel outnumbered, but some days we feel inadequate at best.
It’s in those quiet moments when the kids are in bed that we can talk about how we are handling life. Sometimes one of us needs a pep talk. Usually me. Sometimes we just need the reassurance that it’s going to be okay.
It has taken Ryan and me a long time to be able to voice our darkest thoughts and fears about raising our two daughters with disabilities. We’ve been to seminars and counseling sessions, talked with pastors and friends. But the real hashing out of thoughts and feelings happens when all the distractions are peeled away, and the two of us just talk.
On our most recent, long overdue getaway, we spent some time talking about the need to start long term planning for our girls. We don’t want the burden of care to fall on our two sons. It’s not an easy topic.
Will there be enough money to retire?
If we choose assisted living, will someone hurt our non-verbal girls?
Should we move somewhere warmer for their health?
When our parents are gone…will we ever be able to go away together again without the kids?
What do those years in the future look like?
Eventually, the conversation rolls back to the idea to enjoy the now. So. In the now–
We savor the moments when the kids are in bed.
We try to make a habit of sitting down together every night.
We talk about our worries enough to let them pass and turn on a favorite TV show to relax.
It’s a rare thing to find answers to the complex issues that surround raising children with special needs. But if we don’t make it a habit to just talk things out, communication gets more difficult as the years go by. Sometimes just a little talk is all I need to have the peace of mind and soul to press on through another day.
If you haven’t had a good talk with your spouse lately, I encourage you to make a list of things to talk about. After a while, you won’t need a list. Don’t always talk about your children.
Just talk about the things that matter to you both.
Just talk about things that don’t matter at all and everything in between.
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