Housework + Special Needs = Lower Expectations
Photo Credit: varandah at www.freedigitalphotos.net
Guest blogger Kimberly Drew recently nursed her family through a bout of stomach flu. She’s here to explain what she learned about maintaining realistic expectations while caring for sick kids with special needs and managing housework.
Housework + Special Needs = Lower Expectations
There isn’t anything fun about having sick child. We have recently endured two rounds of the stomach bug in our house. All five of us got it in varying degrees. Gross! Our daughter Abbey cannot communicate the need to throw up, or get to the bathroom, or do anything to care for herself. It’s so upsetting and frustrating and messy. It’s times like these when everything else goes to the back burner as you care for your child. The dishes, the phone calls, e-mails, and laundry just start piling up and you don’t even care.
You are in survival mode.
You have to make sure that your child has what they need. When the immediate crisis subsides, you try to get things back in order. I don’t know about you, but for me, it takes about two weeks to recover from one week like that. I wish I could say I’m one of those people who jumps right in and tackles the whole house. I will do the immediate disinfecting that needs to happen and then kind of close doors and pretend the mess isn’t there. After washing all the sheets and towels, I wave a magic wand and the rest of the pile is suddenly invisible. It’s so convenient to just shut the door to the basement and ignore the pile. Email and phone calls are sort of the same. Finally, in a moment of exasperation, I will put on my favorite CD and work like a mad woman until everything is caught up.
The chaos is under control…for now.
What does any of that have to do with parenting a child with special needs? Everything. The reality is you just can’t do it all. Because every day of your life is this kind of assessment of what must be done now and what can wait. If life assigned heads of triage, parents of kids with special needs would get the job. Assigning things to their level of importance is part of the daily grind for most parents, but parents of children with special needs know it all too well. Health and well-being get admitted immediately, and laundry gets a bed in the hallway. Accepting that some things will take a back seat to the care of your child is hard for Type A personalities. I tell people that I’m a Type A stuck in a B- life. In a rough week I hover at D.
It’s true.
Over the years I’ve been forced to let go of things that used to drive me crazy. Sometimes you need to clean and cook, and sometimes you need to give your children cereal for dinner and put them to bed early so that you can watch TV. It’s okay not to have it all together. The sooner you can release the expectations you have on yourself, the sooner you will relax. It won’t be this way forever. In a week, or a few days, you’ll feel something inside nagging at you. You’ll find Lady Antebellum on your iPod and get out the Windex and paper towels. But if you’re not there today, it’s okay.
Take it one day at a time.
Have You Lowered Expectations?
Have you learned to relax your expectations about housework? What have you been forced to let go? What life circumstances taught you to do it? Leave a comment in the box.
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By Kimberly Drew
Kimberly grew up and went to college in the small town of Upland, IN. She graduated from Taylor University with a degree in Elementary Education in 2002. While at TU, she married her college sweetheart and so began their adventure! Ryan and Kimberly have four amazing kids on earth (Abigail, Jayden, Ellie, and Cooper), and a baby boy waiting for them in heaven. Their daughter Abigail (Abbey) has multiple disabilities including cerebral palsy, a seizure disorder, hearing loss, microcephaly, and oral dysphagia. She is the inspiration behind Kimberly’s desire to write. In addition to being a stay-at-home mom, Kimberly has been serving alongside her husband in full time youth ministry for almost fourteen years. She enjoys working with the senior high girls, scrapbooking, reading, and music. You can visit Kimberly at her website, Promises and Perspective.
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Liz,
You’re doing the right thing. Enjoy those “bunnies” now. They’ll be grown up and gone before you know it. Then you’ll have plenty of time to clean the house!
Jolene
As a mom of 3 and psychologist, I know, logically, that keeping my house clean is pretty darn impossible. However, the illogical side of me wants order and for my house to look pretty. Since having my third, getting through the day is a huge feat. I’ve been forced to let go of my high standards for cleanliness and adopt more realistic ones. It’s ok if there are dishes in the sink, and if toys are not in their appropriate bin. Once upon a time, pre kids, my house was immaculate. My house isn’t immaculate anymore but I have 3 awesome little bunnies who make me smile and scream, all at the same time!!