Hidden grace. That’s something parents of kids with special needs can use on a daily basis. Today, guest blogger Stephanie Ballard uses a poem to reveal God’s hidden grace in her life.

Hidden Grace

Sometimes having a child with special needs is exhausting. Can I say that without feeling a wave of guilt wash over me? Don’t misunderstand my meaning, I love my son with all that I am. Sometimes I just wish that we could breathe in with a sigh of relief and say…”Well that was hard, but we have gotten through it.” I have learned through the years that having a child who requires so much care is all about learning to live life day by day. It is coming to the realization that letting go means opening yourself up to a life filled with both joys and uncertainties. I often find myself hiding at these crucial moments, like a petulant child sitting at the dinner table refusing to try their lima beans. “But I am tired,” I cry, “God do you even hear me at all?” I hide behind busyness, I hide behind stoicism, and most of all I hide the fact that I am so very afraid of what the future holds. I step out of the shadows eventually, look upward and silently ask, “Are you still there God?” His answer is the softest whisper, so soft…that I must become absolutely still to hear it. “I am here” he says, “And I will never leave you.”

When we were all just little kids,
We would play hide and seek,
One of us would count to ten,
Then yell to the others…”Don’t peek.”
“Come and find me”…we would say,
While doing our best to stay hidden,
With legs and arms all poking out,
I wonder just who were we kidding?

But as the years began to pass,
We went on to new things,
Grew up and had our own kids,
As this is what life brings.
And though I am a grown-up now,
Life finds daily ways to remind me,
That I still seek a hidden place,
In which no one can find me.

When I pursue things as a child,
Engaging in games I once played,
The walls of discontentment,
Begin to slowly fade.
My son took my hand yesterday,
Hoping that I would agree,
To play a game of “hide and seek.”

“Olly-olly-oxen-free,”
I thought of all the tasks at hand,
So much I must get done,
But then I heard him whisper,
“Mom wouldn’t it be fun?”
And so, he covered both his eyes,
And then I looked around,
To find the perfect hiding spot,
(Trying hard not to make any sound.)

My child is so very smart,
(He found me right away)
And managed to teach me a lesson,
(As he teaches me things everyday)
“I think I’m better at this game,”
He said, with unbridled pride.

But practice makes us perfect,
And God says, “we all hide.”
And that is why he sent his son,
To search through every door,
And find where we’ve been hiding,
Cuz…we’re what he’s looking for.”
I smiled at the very thought,
Of God trying hard not to peek,
And calling out, “Where are you?”
And, saying, “It’s you that I seek.”

Life hasn’t brought the perfection,
Envisioned in childhood dreams,
Yet, I have grace-filled moments,
More often than it seems.
Freeze tag, jump rope, hide and seek,
Are games that I’ve outgrown,
But it’s nice to think God might come looking,
When I’m hiding, and lost, and alone.
Sometimes I need to hear the words,
“I know what you’ve through
And no matter where you might be hiding,
I’ll always come looking for you.”

~Stephanie Ballard

Where Do You See God’s Hidden Grace?

Do you ever hide from God and sense Him looking for you? When do you hide? How does He find you? Share your experience in the comment box.

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