Today guest blogger Christine Lester wraps up her three part series about her newborn scars on her son after surgery. In Part 1, she wrote about her response immediately after his birth. In Part 2, she described how those feeling overwhelmed her once he finally came home. In Part 3, she tells how her perception of those newborn scars has changed…for the better.
Newborn Scars, Part Three: Scars Are Like Super Hero Capes
That long newborn scar that slid down our baby’s back was a tangible sign that this little 6 pound wonder had come into this world fighting for his life. Little did we know he would continue to do so. The child who bore those scars would lead us a new way, a way that wasn’t in the What to Expect books. He told us that seconds after birth. It just took us longer to listen.
The thought of that huge scar traveling with him as a child, teenager and adult initially bothered me. Yet now as other scars have joined those it’s more like a map of where he’s been, where he’s traveled and now to who he’s becoming.
He is proud of his scars most of the time. When at the beach and someone makes a remark he will sometimes just say “I have EA/TEF”. It rolls off his tongue like “Today I had gym”. Occasionally if they press the issue, he will reply “That is where the doctors saved my life.” Or “They had to connect my esophagus to my stomach as it grew into my trachea.”
Yeah, picture that coming out of a child’s mouth.
If he’s in a funny mood he’ll tell people he’s a spy, and it’s a war wound or something equally bizarre and funny. We’ve heard it all: sword fight, shark bite, bear attack, superhero accident, alien attack. We’ve even heard broken wing (yes wing) as he has deep dimples at the top of both his shoulders and above his hips that look he had angel wings there. Whatever he says, we as a family just go with.
The newborn scars don’t bother me as they once did. Over the years his have turned a pale silver, no longer the screaming red war wounds I first laid eyes on. Mine have faded over time also and now as odd as it seems, I don’t mind them. They take me to another time and another place when I would take any injury, stretch mark or scar to have a healthy child even if it meant I had to risk life and limb to keep him healthy.
Whenever he gets a new one, it still hurts me deeply as they would any parent. Yet as the time passes we start to look at them as stamps in his passport. He just has traveled and lived a more adventurous life than his peers. He has developed super powers. If we ever doubt that all we have to do is peek at his body and we are reminded that the doctors did these life saving surgeries so that he can LIVE. I feel like those who have faced death so often embrace life more than we ever could.
A cape doesn’t show you have superpowers or are braver than most. But a huge scar across your back and a smile on your face does.
This is our story~ No capes required.
What Super Powers Have You Discovered?
Has your perception of your child’s scars changed like Christine’s did? How do you view the experience now? How does your child view it? Leave a comment about the super powers you’ve discovered as the parent of a child with special medical needs.
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What an amazing job you’ve done transporting us back in time to a moment tucked away in our hearts, its story etched on our very souls. Seeing his scars as passport stamps of his journey thru these first years is beautiful and gave me new eyes, though I admit waterey at the moment. <3 And those angel wing scars are exactly that….you'll never convince this lucky grandmother likewise. Truly beautiful and inspiring words Chris.
What an amazing job you’ve done transporting us back in time to a moment tucked away in our hearts, its story etched on our very souls. Seeing his scars as passport stamps of his journey thru these first years is beautiful and gave me new eyes, though I admit waterey at the moment. <3 And those angel wing scars are exactly that….you'll never convince this lucky grandmother likewise. Truly beautiful and inspiring words Chris.
Nancy,
I’m glad you liked the series. Christine’s words resonated with many readers.
Jolene
Nancy,
I’m glad you liked the series. Christine’s words resonated with many readers.
Jolene
I really enjoyed this series, too. Not really thought about how I felt about scars. Just part of life. My twins coming home from the NICU was something of a let down. I wanted a party!
Now when my daughter got her trach and leaving the PICU that time was different. I cried when I got to see her awake after the third day. (Children are put in a medical coma for 3 days after a tracheostomy.)Unfortunately, there was a zealous respiratory therapist there who insisted I watch while she suctioned her. I couldn’t tell her how sad I was for my daughter. I just told her “no” and laid my head on the bed and cried. When we left the TICU 7 weeks later, life was really turned upside down. Our dining room turned into a hospital room and our adventure with in-home nursing started. I didn’t have time to cry or reflect.
I must admit her trach scar bothered me, but I didn’t realize it until 2 years later. She was having repeated infections and the doctor recommended to not cover it with gauze. Uhggg! Everyone could see it! But you know, now we still don’t use gauze and her trach/scar is much less noticeable to me. Of course, you notice the trach, but not the scar. Now that it is not getting infected and cared for correctly, it isn’t red.
I wish Lillian could talk and explain herself to others. Her twin and other siblings try.
Thank you ladies, all of you, for sharing in the comments. I have really enjoyed the reading.
I really enjoyed this series, too. Not really thought about how I felt about scars. Just part of life. My twins coming home from the NICU was something of a let down. I wanted a party!
Now when my daughter got her trach and leaving the PICU that time was different. I cried when I got to see her awake after the third day. (Children are put in a medical coma for 3 days after a tracheostomy.)Unfortunately, there was a zealous respiratory therapist there who insisted I watch while she suctioned her. I couldn’t tell her how sad I was for my daughter. I just told her “no” and laid my head on the bed and cried. When we left the TICU 7 weeks later, life was really turned upside down. Our dining room turned into a hospital room and our adventure with in-home nursing started. I didn’t have time to cry or reflect.
I must admit her trach scar bothered me, but I didn’t realize it until 2 years later. She was having repeated infections and the doctor recommended to not cover it with gauze. Uhggg! Everyone could see it! But you know, now we still don’t use gauze and her trach/scar is much less noticeable to me. Of course, you notice the trach, but not the scar. Now that it is not getting infected and cared for correctly, it isn’t red.
I wish Lillian could talk and explain herself to others. Her twin and other siblings try.
Thank you ladies, all of you, for sharing in the comments. I have really enjoyed the reading.
I’m so glad you guys loved it. It’s one of those series that you wonder if you should hit send, if it’s just too personal. Yet, it seems the more I lay it all out there the more it helps us weeks, months, years from now.
Valerie~ It is just a part of our lives but it is. I explained it the other day to Alyssa when she pointed to a girl in the hospital cafe and said that girl has Cancer. No, that beautiful girl has bright eyes and a captivating smile she is much more than the girl with cancer. It doesn’t define her it’s just a part of her. Just like our boys. They are amazing and funny. Handsome and strong who just happen to have this birthdefect. They are not defined by it, even if it seems it rules our lives it does NOT define who they are.
Ann~ These kids seem to have a sense of humor with their illnesses. Some of the stuff they come up with just cracks me up!
I’m so glad you guys loved it. It’s one of those series that you wonder if you should hit send, if it’s just too personal. Yet, it seems the more I lay it all out there the more it helps us weeks, months, years from now.
Valerie~ It is just a part of our lives but it is. I explained it the other day to Alyssa when she pointed to a girl in the hospital cafe and said that girl has Cancer. No, that beautiful girl has bright eyes and a captivating smile she is much more than the girl with cancer. It doesn’t define her it’s just a part of her. Just like our boys. They are amazing and funny. Handsome and strong who just happen to have this birthdefect. They are not defined by it, even if it seems it rules our lives it does NOT define who they are.
Ann~ These kids seem to have a sense of humor with their illnesses. Some of the stuff they come up with just cracks me up!
This is an awesome series! I love the “living in the moment” stories her son tells to explain his scars! The scars are trophies of life!
This is an awesome series! I love the “living in the moment” stories her son tells to explain his scars! The scars are trophies of life!
Christine, I just read all three and I’m sitting here, in the dark at almost 2am, listening to Jake sleep, crying my eyes out. How beautifully and eloquently you put all those feelings into words. I love the idea of the scars being their passport, what a great way to view them!! I love to step back and watch the look on people’s faces when Jake tells them he was born with EA/TEF and he explains it…I feel an overwhelming sense of pride, so proud that he can say those words and be sure of who he is and where he’s going. In the beginning I let “EA/TEF” define us, now its just matter of fact, part of our lives. I hope you continue to write as you do it well!! Thank you for sharing and letting us peek into some very private, personal moments…xoxo
Christine, I just read all three and I’m sitting here, in the dark at almost 2am, listening to Jake sleep, crying my eyes out. How beautifully and eloquently you put all those feelings into words. I love the idea of the scars being their passport, what a great way to view them!! I love to step back and watch the look on people’s faces when Jake tells them he was born with EA/TEF and he explains it…I feel an overwhelming sense of pride, so proud that he can say those words and be sure of who he is and where he’s going. In the beginning I let “EA/TEF” define us, now its just matter of fact, part of our lives. I hope you continue to write as you do it well!! Thank you for sharing and letting us peek into some very private, personal moments…xoxo