What’s your worst parenting nightmare? Can you narrow it down to just one? Guest blogger Amy Stout can pinpoint hers in a thumping heartbeat. It’s the topic of today’s guest post: special needs elopement. See if you can identify with her deepest fear…and with the seed of her idea about how to overcome it.

Special Needs Elopement: A Parent’s Worst Nightmare

It is a glorious day.

I am clutching her precious baby hand tightly within my protective mommy hand. I love the feel of her soft skin and her little fingers spooning with mine. I often take a snapshot of these moments in my mind. I so treasure these seemingly insignificant little things.

We are at the Iowa State Fair and it is so crowded! People are jostling us and bumping into us. I squeeze my little girl’s hand tight. I know she doesn’t like crowds, or sound, or light, or noise… but it is the State Fair… there is so much to see! I don’t want her to miss out!

In one hand I am balancing all of our “fair loot” piled precariously high. In the other, I hold my greatest treasure: The baby girl that I waited and prayed for longer than I care to remember.

The Reoccurring Dream

The heat is stifling, people are cranky, babies are crying, papas are scolding. Someone bumps into me from the left and my pile shifts… it begins to tumble. I drop my girl’s hand to catch the mementos of our day. When I reach for her again – just a split second later- she is… gone.

I frantically turn around – my head is whipping back and forth as my eyes search the crowd… she is gone!! Where is she? I catch a glimpse of her several feet away – scared – really scared. My heart catches in my throat- I literally cannot breathe- I try to scream- nothing comes out. I push against the crowd, but I can’t get through fast enough. I see her turn in circles-disoriented- looking for me. I see her start to panic, jerk, the people are getting too close – she runs…

The people are so heavy! Why can’t I break through? When did I become so weak? Kylie! I am here! Why can’t you hear me? Baby, just stand still… I am coming! “Please!” I hear myself scream out loud. “Let me through!”

And then… it happens… one of two things.  It always happens… The things I dread the most… at this point, I see – literally see- a vehicle hit my baby or- even worse- I see someone grab her and take off with her!

It is always here that I wake up in a cold sweat, heart thumping, TERRIFIED of what I just lived through in my worst nightmare.

Anxious and Unreasonable Thoughts

I know these anxious thoughts are unreasonable and way overboard, but even so, they still come to me.  The other day I was reading aloud to my husband as he drove and I stopped mid sentence and said “Did you buckle her in?” He looked at me as though I had lost my mind and said “Yes”… the reason I asked is that as I was reading, I had this vision of her flying right by me in the front seat and going through the windshield.  (I KNOW!! so crazy!!  but this happens to me ALL the time!!  Talk about mommy fears on overload!!)

I do not know how people go through the loss of a child. Having my daughter hit by a car would be a tragedy, but having her kidnapped- to me- is far worse. It would be everlasting torture wondering where she was, if she was alright, what was happening to her, Did she miss or want me? Were people hurting her? Did she think we abandoned her?

While having everyone – and I mean everyone – stop us and tell us how beautiful our daughter is (and we can take no credit – as she is adopted) is so much fun, it is also extremely scary as I know my girl is a target for predators. People are always watching her.

Seeking a Solution to Special Needs Elopement

It was after one of these horrifying dreams that I began to put my thinking cap on and explore ways of keeping my daughter more safe. The “easiest” way was to utilize a safety harness, but with so much controversy surrounding these, I really didn’t want to go that route.

I had even recently read an article that said that parents who used these were “lazy parents” – I wanted to jump through the pages of that magazine and throttle the author. They obviously have never parented a child who experiences special needs – let alone autism. “lazy parenting?” let me trade places with them for One single solitary day. They would change that description faster than they could sharpen their pencil.

I finally decided that I didn’t care what other people thought, a safety harness was the best option for keeping my daughter safe.  So, I began to dream up designs that would be more acceptable in public. Designs that would be more fashionable and less offensive to people who do not understand mental health issues or autism in general.

Can You Identify with Amy?

Are Amy’s emotions about special needs elopement similar to yours? Can you identify with her struggles? Or do you struggle with different emotions? Leave a comment about the emotional battles you face as the parent of a child with special needs. And come back tomorrow to see the safety harness Amy designed for Kylie. It is amazing.

Part Two

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