Unexpected grace from and to caregiving parents multiplies once it is expressed. In this post, guest blogger Karen Wright describes how navigating life in the weeds while caring for her child with disabilities moved her to express grace to others and received unexpected grace when she did.

In the early years caring for our son, Austin, I toted him to hundreds of appointments, frequented dozens of pharmacies and worked with countless specialists, nurses, and caregivers. These demands left me exhausted, frustrated and, at times, embarrassingly impatient. And because I’m a planner by nature, operating in this reactive space was especially draining. My friends and family encouraged me to “look at the big picture,” but it was difficult. I was in the weeds.

I recognized being a parent of a child with special needs will continue to test my stamina and patience, so I began to pray for wisdom. What proactive measures can I put into place to better help me navigate life in the weeds? Over time, the Lord graciously showed me a few specific and tactical measures to try, and the outcomes were effective. But they were also unexpected.

Sow Peacefulness

Gracious words are a honeycomb,

sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

Proverbs 16:24 (NIV)

First, I noticed many of the medical professionals with whom we interacted appeared melancholy, under-appreciated, and at times, rushed. I could relate! But how could I change my behaviors to help avoid being affected by their demeanors? I learned to arrive early for appointments so that I could be friendly, kind, and patient rather than hurried and more easily frustrated. I learned to tell rushed medical assistants and nurses, “We aren’t in a hurry today, so please take your time.” Their shoulders often soften when hearing this and say, “Wow—we don’t ever hear that around here. Thank you so much for being so accommodating!”

Checking in at another appointment, I asked the lady behind the check-in counter how her weekend was. She looked up from her computer, leaned in and confusedly replied, “Excuse me?” I repeated the question, and her entire countenance changed. Through a tired smile, she replied, “Wow, no one ever asks me that question.” I realized how depleted many of the professionals were and the power of my peaceful countenance. Now every time we visit that medical office, she takes a moment to come around her desk and greet Austin personally.

Unexpected Grace Received: I realized by sowing peace, kindness and warmth, we reap the same in return.

Prioritize Preparedness

Put your outdoor work in order and get your fields ready;

after that, build your house.

Proverbs 24:27 (NIV)

Next, I recognized the power of preparedness. At medical appointments, for example, medical assistants would always ask, “Is he taking any medications?” I would answer, “Why yes, he takes 10, actually.” Then an exhausting back and forth exchange about dosages, generic names and frequency would unfold. I learned to keep several copies of a current list of medications in Austin’s backpack. It includes medications, supplements, pediatrician information, and his latest height and weight. Enter our dentist office and the hygienist asks, “Are there any changes in his medications?” Now I smile, slide a copy under her laptop and gently say “I brought this for you—you may have it.” In return, medical staff almost always say, “Oh wow, this is so helpful!” And the best part? I trade the frustrating back and forth for enjoying the next few minutes reading or playing with Austin instead.

Unexpected Grace Received: I realized preparedness allows me time to enjoy small moments with Austin.

Pursue Generosity

A generous person will prosper;

whoever refreshes others will be refreshed.

Proverbs 11:25 (NIV)

Finally, I learned small tokens of generosity are powerful symbols of gratitude. I look for ways to do this proactively, such as taking chilled lemonades for the staff at Austin’s school on warm days. Or I bring lip balm or colorful pencils for the medical assistants and receptionists at our doctors’ offices during the holidays.

Reactive generosity is also important. Last year, a pharmacy clerk went above and beyond to help me resolve a medication issue for Austin, and I was so thankful. The next time I rolled through the pharmacy drive through, I brought her a small, scented soap tied with a tiny pink ribbon. That soap still sits propped at her desk area at the pharmacy, and every time I’m there, she tells me thank you again and asks if there is anything she can do for our family. That little soap made a big impact!

At first glance, I suspect gifts may appear a bit “extra,” but truly, I began doing them because I was so thankful for all the ways people were helping us. And I soon noticed people were more likely to remember our family because of these gestures. So later when we needed their swift assistance, such as for insurance appeals or complicated reauthorizations, time wasn’t wasted. We were known.

Unexpected Grace Received: I realized an effect of gift giving is being known and remembered, and this fosters invaluable efficiency.

Carry On Practicing

Better a patient person than a warrior,

one with self-control than one who takes a city.

Proverbs 16:32 (NIV)

Do I still get impatient in the weeds? Yes, regularly! But I am more peaceful, prepared and generous than before. And while I’m still practicing, I occasionally capture a glimpse of “the big picture” through unexpected grace given and received by caregiving parents. It is beautiful to see.

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Photo by Erik-Jan Leusink on Unsplash