Deciding to Have More Kids after the Birth of a Child with Disabilities

by May 1, 2024Uncategorized0 comments

Kelly Simpson explains her hesitations about deciding to have more kids after the birth of a child with disabilities.

Deciding to have more kids after the birth of a child with disabilities requires careful thought and advice from trustworthy friends and professionals. Today, guest blogger Kelly Simpson describes how those factors and faith played a part in their decision.

Oliver, our EA/TEF baby just turned 5! For years we lived taking extra precautions knowing what would help keep him healthy, out of a hospital and an Intensive Care Unit (ICU). The number of daily tasks needed to accomplish that could be overwhelming to some, but it was all that we knew and felt normal since he is our first child.

The odds of being born with EA/TEF are 1 in 5,000 births according to Children’s National Hospital. The fear of it happening again was a heavy burden that held us back from trying for more children. Oliver’s specialists and surgeons have been very happy with his growth and current condition. (Check the Different Dream article Update on Oliver for more details.) His progress has been a blessing from God.

Having several children was a desire for us, and as Oliver began to get older, we questioned ourselves. “Will we try again?” We consulted with Oliver’s specialists and doctors on the odds of having a second baby with the same or similar conditions. They were very low, as the condition is considered rare. I still wasn’t convinced.

We (mostly I) wrestled with the “what ifs.” Our fears that we (I) gripped so tightly began to show our (my) biggest doubts:

Did we trust God’s goodness?
Did we trust that he would again make a way for us, even if it looked different than what we wanted?
Did we trust that He really has our best interests in mind?

Eventually, I had to hand my fears over to God. I could not trust Him with everything except my children. I had to trust that He would again make a way regardless of what was to happen. We already knew we had some of the best doctors and surgeons on our side. They had already walked through our hardest times with us, and they would do it again.

So we tried and are blessed to say that we are pregnant with our second child due later this year! As I look back over the past several months and year, I identified several things that made deciding to have more kids after the birth of a child with disabilities easier for us. Though I don’t want you to view me as an expert, I want to share some truths that I try to practice (and have failed to do many, many times) with you.

  • Pray and pray some more.
  • Know that you serve a loving and powerful God. He made a way for Moses to part the Red Sea (Exodus 14) and Daniel to survive the Lion’s den (Daniel 6). He will make a way for you too!
  • Remember that God is your creator. He knows your deepest needs and desires. You don’t have to explain anything to Him. He already knows. Surrender can consist of very few words or a long list of concerns. He is okay with either. He can handle all of it.
  • Trust by handing over control on a daily, even hourly, basis.
  • Consult a doctor if you want more children after giving birth to a child with a disability. The ones you are already familiar with and know very well are a good place to start.
  • Seek support from trusted friends and family.
  • Pray some more.

I hope these truths help you make the best decision for you and your family.

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Photo by Andrew Itaga on Unsplash

By Kelly Simpson

Kelly has lived her whole life in Kentucky. She and her husband, Jeremy, have a five-year-old son, who, born during one of Jeremy’s deployments, was diagnosed with EA/TEF. Kelly has always felt a calling to serve others and is living the dream as an Army wife, middle school teacher, and now, as an encourager to those who are living a dream different than they had planned.


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Meet Jolene

Jolene Philo is a published author, speaker, wife, and mother of a son with special needs.



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