How do you respond when a good friend who knows about your caregiving duties asks, “How are you doing?” Do you tell the truth, or do you hold back for fear of being branded a complainer?  In today’s post, guest blogger Kathy Guzzo relates what she’s learned about special needs sharing as the parent of an adult child with special needs and as she manages her own chronic health issues.

Special Needs Sharing: Caring or Complaining?

Recently a close friend shared the struggles she was going through while finding services for her special needs adult son. I listened intently, trying to empathize with the emotional and physical toll she was experiencing due to phone calls, appointments, paperwork, and others not following through. I was grateful she felt comfortable opening up to me, so I was quite surprised when a few hours later I received an email from her apologizing for complaining about her life when she knows I’m in the midst of my own major issues.

I thought about her email, realizing I had done the exact same thing to others–shared what’s happening in my life, only to later apologize for burdening them. After that I began thinking about special needs sharing versus complaining and just how different the two are.

Special Needs Sharing isn’t Complaining

Special needs sharing is heartfelt reality without envy; it allows us to divide and distribute our burdens. Sharing stems from an attitude of humility that says life is tough at times, but God is good all the time. Sharing, even in the midst of pain, helps with the process of accepting the struggles in our lives, while touching the hearts of others.

In contrast, complaining causes or is a direct result of jealousy, envy, comparing, or finding fault. Complaining stems from an attitude of pride that says life isn’t fair…I don’t deserve this. Complaining, even in awful situations, turns others away.

The saying “A joy shared is a joy doubled; A sorrow shared is a sorrow halved” is very true. We can’t truly rejoice with one another when the positive happens if we haven’t shared struggles along the way.

It’s Not My Problems versus Your Problems

For those of us who suffer from a chronic illness or are caretakers for a loved one, our lives aren’t a competition. It’s not my struggles versus your struggles. We each have mountains we’re climbing, battles to fight, and hurdles to jump over in this race. But neither race is more important. Because whether it’s emotional or physical, pain is pain. My pain won’t be the same as yours, but that doesn’t make your pain any less real for you.

Sharing our lives is an opportunity for blessings that God allows us in order climb, fight and jump together. Many times one of us slips on a rock, gets shot down, or trips on a hurdle and needs help getting back in the race. That type of support doesn’t come from complaining. It comes from sharing. We aren’t keeping track of who has more bad things happen, or who seems to be coasting along because God’s told us that in this life we will have troubles (John 16:33). But God also said two are better than one (Ecclesiastes 4:8-12).

Special Needs Sharing Allows Blessings

Sharing is not a pity party. It’s a release of burdens, allowing someone else to support, encourage, and pray with us so we can rejoice when we take a couple steps up the mountain, win a small battle, or jump a high hurdle. Listening to someone share his or her ups and downs is an honor, something we shouldn’t take for granted or abuse. It’s our responsibility to handle it with care, respect, and grace, just as we expect them to handle anything we share. So go ahead and share with one another without guilt because as my granddaughter learned in preschool, sharing is caring.

How Do You Handle Special Needs Sharing?

What’s your take on special needs sharing? How do you determine the difference between caring and complaining? Leave a comment.

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