Guest blogger Kimberly Drew and her husband are sailing through uncharted waters as their daughter Abbey nears puberty. They have encountered unsolicited and often discouraging advice based on their misconceptions about special needs and puberty.

Special Needs and Puberty: Dealing with Misconceptions

As our children with special needs enter puberty, we can no longer deny the fact that their bodies are changing. Abbey is my first child, so I haven’t experienced this before as a parent.

Special Needs and Puberty: Misconception #1

However, my husband and I have been working with junior and senior high students for almost eighteen years. We’ve watched it happen hundreds of times! Not once, have I pulled aside a mother and said, “I’m so sorry that your daughter is getting breasts.”

You may laugh at that, but you have no idea how many people have said something along these lines to me about my daughter with special needs. I try to handle these moments with grace, but it’s not easy. As parents, we have to stand up for our children. It’s okay to tell family members and friends that their comments are either hurtful or not helpful.

Most people celebrate that their children are becoming young men and women. That should not be any different for parents of children who are disabled. I sometimes want to scream, “She’s alive!! Her very life, and every milestone she reaches is an absolute miracle. If she is becoming a woman, it’s because she has literally defied the laws of medicine.”

Special Needs and Puberty: Misconception #2

I think people see Abbey’s physical changes and feel sorry that Ryan and I are going to have to take care of her as she gets older. I understand why they dread thinking about her starting her period. A part of me dreads it too. But I don’t need people to feel bad for me. I need them to be my biggest fans and greatest supporters. If they feel the need to say something, then they should tell Ryan and I that we are doing a great job and they know we can make it through this transition!

Special Needs and Puberty: Misconception #3

There are also going to be a lot of awkward moments as our children become adults, and we have to be ready to deal with them appropriately. The parent of a disabled adult recently told me that I had “no idea how hard it’s going to get.” This individual went on to say that she felt bad for me.

Think of it this way. If you get diagnosed with cancer, I hope you don’t surround yourself with cancer survivors who tell you how awful it’s going to be. Not a chance! You should find team members who will be in your corner to cheer you on and say, “God has you in his hands! You can beat this!”

The same is true for anything we go through that is difficult. I would never say that this road of parenting a child with multiple disabilities is not the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But it’s also my greatest accomplishment and reward. I need people around me who understand that and celebrate it with me. I don’t need Debbie Downers. Neither do you! If there are people in your life who aren’t on your team of supporters, then I suggest you distance yourself from them as I have.

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