Do your caregiving duties ever make you feel like you’re drowning? I remember feeling like that so often when our son was young, in and out of the hospital for four years. And because I know many of you feel that way often, I attended an Accessibility Summit workshop entitled Survival Skills for Mothers on the Journey. It was presented by Emily Colson, mom to a son with autism and author of Dancing with Max. What she shared was so encouraging and so practical, I had to pass these 10 special needs survival skills to you.

10 Special Needs Survival Skills

1. Go Out and Live Big. Instead of choosing isolation, go out and live big, even if your child may have a meltdown. But before you leave home, decide what you will do if you need to leave early. Check for easy exits when you get where you’re going. And pair something hard with something your child loves. Do the hard thing first during the outing so the fun one is a reward.

2. Laugh. Laughter really is good medicine. So make time for fun and silliness at home and while out living big. Go so far as to plan funniness!

3. Keep a Right Perspective. While dealing with challenges, look for gifts and beauty. Show gratitude. Think about how your child sees life. And finally, look at things with eternal eyes. This world is not the end.

4. Let Others In. We think accepting help imposes on others. But people need our kids. And a good support system and sense of community has been proven to lengthen life spans 8–10 years. Other studies show being part of a faith-based community adds 4–14 years to a person’s life.

5. Live with Purpose. Ephesians 2:10 says this: For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. If that’s true, our kids with special needs are part of God’s plan for us. So ask yourself: What am I going to do with this experience? What is God’s purpose for us? Are there gifts in this?

6. Take Your Thoughts Captive. Thinking negative thoughts affects brain function and physical health. Therefore when our thoughts go into a  negative spiral, take them captive as we’re commanded in 2 Corinthians 10:5. It’s hard work and it takes practice, but doing so makes a huge difference.

7. Take a 5 Minute Rx. Self-care is an essential survival skill for moms raising kids with special needs. Many moms can’t get away for an hour or a day or a weekend devoted to self-care. But they can find 5 minutes, enough to create a sense of caring for self. The 5 minute Rx could be stepping outside to breathe some fresh air, making a healthy snack, reading for 5 minutes, or writing in a gratitude journal.

8. Do Better, Not More. Rather than automatically saying yes (and wishing you hadn’t), or saying no (and feeling guilty), stop and ask a few questions before answering: Will doing this help me focus on what I need to focus on? Will this activity restore or drain me? When Emily explained this skill, it reminded me of something our pastor says quite often. It’s not a matter of basing our choices about where to spend our time on whether something is good, because the world is full of good things. We can’t do them all. So we have to choose what is best, because God wants his best for us.

9. Live with Hope. Give up perfection and choose hope in a God who uses imperfect people instead. Colson said, “Don’t aim for perfect, but shoot for joy.” And my favorite quote of the workshop is this one. “Give yourself permission to flounder.”

10. Remember Who You Are. At this point in the workshop, I had to leave to man my book table, so I can’t expound on this one. But you can imagine that it is vital to retain a sense of yourself in the midst of the chaos.

Your Special Needs Survival Skills?

What special needs survival skills would you add to the list…other than wine and chocolate? Please share them in the comment box! Then, stop by Emily Colson’s website to check out her blog and read more about her.

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