Special needs blogs are full of advice about how not to say the wrong thing to special needs parents. Case in point? How many posts have you seen with titles like these?

10 Things Not to Say to Parents of Kids with Special Needs
6 Things Not to Say to Parents of Kids with Autism
5 Ways to Wound Special Needs Parents with Words

Or perhaps you pay more attention with posts with a more positive spin:

5 Things to Say to Special Needs Parents
12 Things to Say to Parents after a Diagnosis
7 Ways to Encourage Parents of Kids with Special Needs

The main thing is this: these kinds of posts make people gun shy, whether the titles are negative or positive.

That’s why I was so pleased to see this post titled how not to say the wrong thing to special needs parents.

Why?

Because this rings of support illustration works for people in all sorts of circumstances (not just special needs) and all sorts of relationships who want to know how not to say the wrong thing to special needs parents.

Here’s how it works, at least for parents of kids with special needs:

Draw a circle and put the name of the special needs parent inside the circle. Draw a ring around that circle and put the name of the person closest to the special needs parent inside it. Draw as many rings as needed and in each larger ring, add the next closest person or group of people.

The person in the very center can say to whoever he or she wants whatever her or she wants. Complains, encouragement, whatever. The person in the first ring around the center can say whatever he or she wants to whoever he or she wants who is in a larger ring. But, only encouragement can be spoken to the person in the center ring.

And that’s the rule for whatever ring you are in. You can only encourage those in rings or circles smaller than your ring. You can complain or grieve or seek support from anyone in a ring larger than your ring.

So, if you have friends or extended family members who need some coaching about how not to say the wrong thing to special needs parents like you, the rings of support strategy may be what they need.

What Do You Think of the Rings of Support?

So what do you think of this idea? Could it work in your situation? Do you have another strategy that works for you? Leave a comment.

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