Special needs acceptance isn’t always easy to come by, as parents of kids with special needs know. Guest blogger Maggi Gale is here to describe her epic fail at offering special needs acceptance to a mother she glimpsed during her daughter’s hospital visit.

Special Needs Acceptance, Not Judgement

I noticed her as we entered the hospital. It was her determined cheerfulness that struck me, merrily chatting to her son as they paraded down the corridor. Then I spotted that he was on a tricycle. It had a tall flag attached by which she guided him. My first thought – although I’m ashamed of it now–was that he was indulged. Why allow your son to ride a tricycle inside the hospital? After all he looked to be about 4 years old.

I was new to this world of special needs parenting.

It happened when we were called into a room for my daughter’s height and weight to be checked at the same time as the lady. Behind averted eyes I couldn’t help but notice as she carefully lifted her son out of his tricycle. To my shock I saw he was unable to walk or stand.

How quick I had been to judge, to privately label this boy as “indulged.” With people like me around, no wonder the lady had developed her attitude of determined cheerfulness and deliberate focus on her son, seemingly blocking out the rest of the world.

Although I never saw her again, I was to think of this lady many times over the coming years. What had she experienced? Could it be that the purposeful attitude had become her suit of armor from misunderstandings and insensitive remarks?

My daughter’s condition was to be misunderstood on many occasions. Since EA/TEF affects only one in 3500 babies, most people we knew were unaware of it. And some of the comments we were to receive over the next years would shoot like darts to my heart until it bled.

They ranged from well-meant but foolish medical advice, through rude comments about her distinctive cough, to judgmental statements about her swallowing difficulties. There were also the looks between other mothers which said, “Is this a case of Munchausen syndrome by proxy?” when my explanations weren’t accepted.

Was it actually my responsibility to prove that Lois had EA/TEF?
If people didn’t understand, did it matter?
How could I be thick skinned enough to shrug off the ignorant comment, without shrugging off the person who made the comment?

And why did these darts hit me at the most unexpected times? At a farewell party in front of 20 of my husband’s colleagues, at a children’s birthday party, by the beach…so many casual but insensitive remarks brought me to tears.

So I developed my own suit of armor, my own purposeful attitude and deliberate focus. My armor was knowledge about my daughter’s condition, and faith that God would somehow get us through this. The armor wasn’t without its holes. It’s hard to wear armor when you haven’t slept. And sometimes you don’t put it on when you don’t think you’ll need it.

But when I did wear it, it made world of difference.

How Do You Show Special Needs Acceptance Instead of Judgement?

Have you experienced special needs unacceptance? Have you ever caught yourself judging rather than showing special needs acceptance? Share your true confessions and lessons in the comment box.

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