As parents of kids with special needs, we’ve all had to accept different dreams for our children. But what about our children? What about the dreams they have for themselves? Guest blogger Stacey Laho is here with the story of her daughter’s prom dream and how it came true.

Prom Dream Comes True for Kids with Special Needs

Debbie and I became friends through our shared journey of caring for children with disabilities. My daughter Alisha and her son Cory had been placed in a contained special education room smack in the middle of a giant general education high school. The school’s student council generously offered Alisha and Cory complimentary tickets to the prom. Debbie called early in the spring to discuss it.

“Stacey, have you considered the offer the school gave us to take the kids to prom? I thought Cory could take Alisha as his date.” She giggled.

“You know I really hadn’t thought about it. That’s a cute idea but I’m not sure Alisha will enjoy it, crowds don’t appeal to her. Let me think on it and call you back.” I didn’t want to give an answer. I didn’t want to say what I really thought.

Sighing as I hung up, I reflected on how hard I had tried for nearly twenty years to prove my daughter with severe disabilities could participate in typical milestones. The energy I had invested had dried up long ago. Fatigue replaced determination and fatigue constantly reminded me my eighteen year old daughter still loved the big purple dinosaur on T.V. and gazing at rattles strapped to her baby-sized wrists. Did I really want to exert energy to include Alisha in another “typical” milestone she will most likely not enjoy or appreciate?

Pain and shame entered my heart. The strenuous details involved to get her ready for such a big event hardly seemed worth what Alisha would get out of it. Trying on dresses in stores would be impossible with lifting her dead weight in and out of her wheelchair. I would have to buy the dresses and bring them home. Once I got them home there would be the battle of dressing her pretzel-like arms tightened up from years of spasticity and contractures. Did I want to labor for something I suspected would be a letdown?

I envisioned bringing her to the prom. I thought about the dinner being served and how she would be the only one eating her food through a feeding tube. I pictured the dance floor with teens jumping and spinning. I thought about how often Alisha dislikes large crowds and hangs her head down to cope. Her severe hearing loss has always dictated how long we could linger in noisy places. I remembered a time when I worked harder to make our world “normal.” Why couldn’t I recapture the fire I once had?

Then my thoughts drifted to Cory and Debbie. If AIisha didn’t go to prom neither would Cory. I didn’t think Alisha would enjoy the brash music and glitzy crowd, but I knew Cory would. He loved music and dancing and was known for standing up in front of his church, moving freely to the worship songs. He also loved eating. What would it mean to Debbie and Cory to attend prom?

What would be the outcome if I accepted any outcome and surrendered my expectations?

I called Debbie.

“Debbie, let’s do this,” I said half-heartedly.

Once I told friends Alisha was going to prom, prom dresses to borrow poured in. I wouldn’t have to make the trip shopping to find one. There were about twenty beautiful dresses. One by one the dresses seemed to say “Give this up” because not one of them fit until we got to dress twenty. I tiredly gazed at Alisha’s radiance. She looked into my eyes and busted out with a boisterous, unrefined laugh. “This moment” I thought, is exactly why for years I’ve spent tireless energy for Alisha to be typical. I smashed my lips into her grinning face and said, “I love you girly!”

A few weeks before the date night would take place we had a big birthday bash at our neighborhood club house to celebrate Alisha turning eighteen. Although I loved seeing all of our family and friends, Alisha went into her own world at the party. It seemed too much for her. It seemed too much for me. I felt letdown as we pulled into our driveway after the party but the sight of giant pink flamingos on our lawn brightened my day. The flamingos held up words: Alisha, will you go to prom with me? Love Cory

The surprise of finding a typical invitation to prom for our daughter temporarily made it seem like she could be a typical eighteen-year-old. Her birthday blast ended up being one more time where my exertion exceeded expectations but maybe attending prom would be different.

The day arrived a couple weeks later. I primped Alisha with sparkles on her face and nails. I kept telling her she was a princess going to the ball. We left for our prom photo shoot at a nearby church.

The flower pinning ritual…

We arrived at the banquet center. It looked like Cinderella’s ball! Cory ate his dinner scooping uneaten rolls off his neighbor’s plate and Alisha watched with delight while she ate her tube feed.

Once we got onto the dance floor I prepared myself for her glee to transform into gloom, instead I was again reminded of why I’ve always worked so hard.

Cory did his dance moves and Alisha tore up the floor in her wheel chair with swivels and spins, laughter escaping
What I thought was going to be one more laborious attempt to have my daughter be typical ended different than what I imagined. Really that’s how it usually has gone. Nothing I have ever done had a predictable outcome. There have been times where Alisha closed herself off from her surroundings causing a fun planned event to end abruptly but then there have been nights like this one. A night I could have never imagined filled with joy and blessing.

All the effort in the world is worth nights like prom!

What Dreams Does Your Child Have?

Have you struggled with tiredness and fulfilling your own dreams rather than your child’s dreams as Stacey did? Have you helped your children with special needs realized some unexpected dreams? We’d love to hear about them if you’d like to leave a comment.

Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.