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Trauma impacts lives.  Whatever time of life a person is traumatized—as an infant, child, teen, or adult—life is never the same. A post at Sojourners by Catherine Woodiwiss explains ten ways trauma can change a life. What she has to say speaks volumes to caregiving parents who are dealing with grief.

10 Truths about Trauma

1. Trauma permanently changes us. There is no such thing as getting over it. But it’s not wholly negative. Healing from trauma leads to new strength and joy.
2. Presence is always better than distance. To suffer through trauma alone is unbearable. If someone says they need space, respect their wish. Otherwise be present.
3. Healing is cyclical, not linear. Recovery takes a long, long time. Expect to cycle through stages of grief often.
4. To survive trauma a person needs friends who are “firefighters” and “builders.” Surviving trauma requires at least two types of people on a crisis team: friends who can drop everything and jump into the fray and others who are calm and give steady care.
5. Grieving is social, and so is healing. We are wired for contact. Only through relationship that we can be most fully healed. Seeking out one another requires courage. Start by giving shelter to others.
6. Do not offer platitudes or comparisons. We offer assurances when we don’t know what else to say. But they often sting as clueless, careless, or just plain false. What we need are friends who sit beside us and let it be terrible.
7. Allow those suffering to tell their own stories. Give a person struggling with trauma dignity to discover and own it.
8. Love shows up in unexpected ways. Ultimately every gesture of love, regardless of the sender, becomes a step along the way to healing. It may not look like what was expected, but surprise love will be the sweetest.
9. Whatever doesn’t kill you …almost kills you. Some days you feel like a quivering, cowardly shell. This is a fight to be won over and over again.
10. … Doesn’t kill you. You learn resilience to sustain you in other crises. It may make you stronger…or not.

Woodiwiss writes with conviction and beauty. For more of her insights, read the entire post at A New Normal: Ten Things I’ve Learned About Trauma.

How Has Trauma Changed You?

Have you been changed by trauma and the grief that accompanies it? What would you add to Catherine’s list? Share your insights in the comment box.

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