Photo Credit: Stuart Miles at www.freedigitalphotos.net

Yesterday in Part 1 of guest blogger Amy Stout’s new series about special needs YES MOMS, she described six strategies employed by YES MOMS. Today she’s back with two more strategies and some illustrations of a YES MOM in action.

Strategies of a Special Needs Yes Mom, Part 2

#7: A YES MOM Chooses her Battles and Uses Positive Phrasing

Not everything can be a YES, but there is a way to communicate that elicits cooperation. A YES MOM might respond, “You know what? I think it is really great that you would like to read a few more chapters before you feed the dog. That must be a really good book you are reading. You absolutely can read a few more chapters, but I would like for you to feed Skippy first because he is very hungry and can’t sleep when his tummy is growling.  First feed Skippy, then read more chapters.” She might even engage her child in conversation about the book while he is feeding the dog. No one likes to work alone and she might gain valuable information by asking a few probing questions about something that interests her child.

#8: A YES MOM Knows How and When to Use the NO Word

There certainly are times when a YES MOM chooses to use the word NO. She is very methodical and wise in implementing it. NO doesn’t just escape her lips in anger or frustration. It is not a manipulative word. It is reserved for situations which are dangerous, urgent, an emergency, or of great conviction. Her children know that when the YES MOM says the word NO that they need to stop immediately and assess the situation or the surrounding area. They don’t often hear the word NO, so when it is spoken it has power and reverence attached to it. They know that the YES MOM would only use that word if it were critical to do so.

You might think that the YES MOM sounds a little like Super Mom with Super YES Powers, so let’s look at a real-life example: How does a YES MOM handle the “I want” scenario in the toy aisle of a store?

First of all, she would communicate the purpose of the shopping trip: “We are going to the store to purchase bread, milk, cheese, and toilet paper.”

Then she would give the child the opportunity to be a responsible leader in the shopping trip by saying, “Which items would you like to be responsible for putting in the cart?” By agreeing ahead of time as to the purpose and duties of each member embarking on the trip, she may avoid the toy aisle all together. However, if the child suggests the toy aisle, the YES MOM would do her best to use the toy aisle window shopping as a valuable reward incentive.

She would express appreciation for a job well done. “I appreciate the helper you have been today. You chose a responsibility and you followed through like a great leader would do. Because you were responsible and kept your word, we absolutely can look at something you’re interested in.”

She would then set expectations and a time limit. “We can look at toys for 15 minutes, but we will not be buying today. When the timer buzzes, it will be time to go to the checkout lane.” She then asks for the child’s agreement: “Are you okay with going to the checkout when the timer buzzes?” She waits for their agreement. When the child agrees, she reinforces “I know you are a child of integrity and you will stick to your word.” If the child “forgets” and asks for toys, the YES MOM shows the child the pre-planned shopping list and reminds that today’s shopping trip was for these items. “I’m sorry,” she says, “but toys are not on the list for today.”

However…she then pulls out a special YES MOM strategy and affirms the child. She might say “I can see that you really like that toy. Would you like to write down the name of that toy and the color you like and we can add that item to your birthday/Christmas wish list?” She then flips to the next page on her shopping list, offers it to the child with a pencil and allows them to pen the information.

She works her way toward the checkout while talking with her child about the toy and all the fun ways the child could enjoy it.  Most of the time, by the time a special holiday rolls around the child has moved on to other things and other interests, but by showing interest in what has captured their heart today in the middle of the toy aisle, the child is then cooperative and willing to alter the course of their actions.

In the unlikely event the child is still uncooperative, there are consequences for the behavior at home. In our home, taking a long break from electronics works wonders! But you choose what is highly motivating for your child. This is a vital piece to YES MOM success. The next time you attempt to train your child, they will remember that there were unpleasant consequences and be more motivated to cooperate and become a child of integrity.

What Do You Think?

What do you think of Amy’s YES MOM strategies and examples? Are you ready to try them out? Have a few questions? Leave a comment to share your thoughts or to get Amy’s advice about how to implement these strategies. And visit her blog, His Treasured Princess.

Strategies of a Special Needs YES MOM, Part 1

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