Photo Credit: sirikul at www.freedigitalphotos.net

Holy Week is here, and as much as guest blogger Rebekah Benimoff hoped to write about a Lenten spirit, life as the parent of a teen with special needs got in the way. So today she’s here to share the cry of her mother’s heart and desire to know the true rest we have in Christ who died for us and rose again.

Knowing Rest

Tonight I need a pouring out, and a flood of pouring in. There has been rain and chaos throughout these past weeks, as hormones rage and my boy is growing into a man. Daily calls from the school nurse reporting high blood glucose levels and ketones, while I am at doctor appointments or exercising or grocery shopping, or simply trying to catch my breath. My precious son has been at home quite a bit in recent weeks during these learning days… I can count on one hand the number of days he’s been well enough to remain at school through every class. A test tonight revealed high anxiety levels and a question:

Are you having anxiety attacks?

No, but I am trying to mimic pancreas function in a growing boy and truly, I am clueless as to what to do next. Insulin has been increased, and levels are high one minute and an hour later plummeting. I am confused, and although I focus on tracking and problem solving, it seems trouble-shooting has not kept away disquietude. I’ve walked that path of hushed chaos and I remember truths learned previous seasons. Life can be a holy mess, yet after another chaotic day, this rings true:

Speak the name of Jesus and darkness flees.
Cry out for power and wisdom beyond myself, and the Voice that soothes whispers love.
Pour out every anxiety upon the altar and know Peace incarnate.
Lean into the arms of Love and be held, cradled, and comforted.

I love You, Eternal One, source of my power, who holds me and shelters me in times of chaos.
The Eternal is my rock, my fortress, and my salvation—my safe-covering, my saving strength.
He is my True God, the stronghold in which I hide—my shepherd, He IS my safe place.
My strong shield, the horn that calls forth help, and my tall-walled tower—my protector, my provision.

I am rescued from the snare of my enemy, from fear and despair, from weakness and uncertainty.

I am set free from fear of death and pain, from confusion—and even the many difficulties of managing unpredictable medical needs—for I know Who to invite into these chaotic days:  The Everlasting, The Alpha and Omega, who is my Rock, my stability when the foundations of my world are shaken. 

Through raging hormones, unstable blood glucose levels and a teen who’s felt ill more days than he’s felt well, there is One I can cling to.

Tonight I recognize the need to be still and know the presence of the Lover of my Soul, the One who takes great joy in loving me. My All in All, the quencher of my thirst, the Giver of all rest and provision. Anxiety laid down as prayer sloughs away the restless cares of my heart.

My man-child said it this week: the only thing predictable about life is its unpredictability. I can’t count on trends of blood glucose levels and best guesses of insulin needs. But I can count on, believe, and rest in my Rock, my fortress, the Most High God who showers me with love and provision in every season; the Lord my Peace, Who is the gift in the midst of turmoil.

Do You Need Rest?

Do Rebekah’s words speak to your heart? Do you need rest? Leave a comment about how the Different Dream bloggers can pray for you.

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