Do you have a hard time controlling your emotions when your child with special needs is out of control? The good news is you’re not the only person in the club. The bad news is that the club is big. Really, really big. And one of the members of the club is guest blogger, Kimberly Drew. Today, she talks about what she and her husband do when their daughter can’t hold it together at bedtime.

Holding It Together

So, my pre-teen daughter has decided on a new nightly routine…crying at bedtime and throwing a tantrum. We went through a phase of this when she was about four years old, and I thought I was going to go insane during those months. Here we are again, only she’s not so little and adorable anymore. She’s feels like a giant when she’s straightening her body like a surfboard against my 5’4” frame. The truth is, I feel helpless. Basically, unless I am willing to lay down with her until she falls asleep, we will have to persevere through this phase until she figures out that bedtime is bedtime, no matter how big a fit she pitches!

Her behavior got me thinking about all the other times when we’ve felt frustrated by her lack of communication and ability to express feelings without having a massive melt down. There is always a little problem-solving involved, a lot of prayer, and occasionally a moment of clarity where it all makes sense. More often than not, these kinds of troubles are something that just has to be waited out. Answers to why our children are acting out don’t always come right away, and sometimes there is no reason at all. It’s hard to be patient, to wait out the storm, when it’s blowing in your face. But I do know that it always seems to pass. One way or another, it has a way of dissolving into a memory, and I realize that it wasn’t worth getting so upset over.

Being a parent to a child with special needs has so many challenges. One of those is learning to control our thoughts and emotions when situations are out of our control, and specifically when our children are acting out. We have to remember that it’s normal and expected for them to go through phases of being unsettled. While we may not be able to talk it through rationally with our children, or know that it’s not going to happen again, we have to remember that we are still the ones who set the emotional tone of our home.

I know my own nerves have been tested many times. I wish I could say that I have come out of each test with a smile on my face, and a calm and peaceful spirit. Unfortunately, sometimes I’m completely frustrated and exhausted and frazzled! But there have also been moments of grace filled patience. I strive to have more of those!

Any Advice for Kimberly?

Has your child gone through a phase similar to Kimberly’s daughter? How did you hold things together? Leave a comment for Kimberly and other parents who feel like they’re about to lose control. Thanks!

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