3 Things to Do When the Special Needs Parenting Life Is Not Fair
During my early years as the parent of a child with special needs, I never would have confessed my deep-down feelings. Because, deep down I thought God wasn’t being fair to my child. Or to me.
God wasn’t fair to allow my baby to suffer when other babies his age were thriving.
He wasn’t fair to fill my first four years of parenting with sleep deprivation.
He wasn’t fair to allow us to live hours from the nearest hospital.
My list of complaints against life and God grew exponentially, and I didn’t know how to stop adding to it. I could have used the tips Laurie Wallin shared in a post at her blog. Here’s what Laurie would have told me to do when life is not fair:
Tip #1: Rest More
Why is rest essential? Because Jesus modeled the importance of rest in his time on earth. As Laurie says in her post, “Before AND after major moments in ministry, he and his closest friends withdrew away from the crowds for some rest and quiet.”
Tip #2: Breathe Prayer
Citing 1 Thessalonians 5:17, Laurie advises unceasing prayer when life seems unfair. Inhale unfair circumstances. Exhale prayers. An old friend of ours calls those quick yells for help arrow prayers—very pointed, very focused, very fast.
Tip #3: Fight Back
Finally, Laurie encourages those struggling to accept the unfairness of life to fight back. And she suggests three strategies to fight back:
- Memorize scripture.
- Enlist friends to help.
- Find other resources to help.
Laurie’s ideas would have been a godsend when I was a new parent. May they be a godsend to you today!
How Do You Fight Life Is Not Fair Thinking?
Do you have tips to add to Laurie’s? Leave them in the comment box, and I promise to pass them on to Laurie…and other parents like you and me:)
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By Jolene
Jolene Philo is the author of the Different Dream series for parents of kids with special needs. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. She’s also the creator and host of the Different Dream website. Sharing Love Abundantly with Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and at Amazon. The first book in her cozy mystery series, See Jane Run!, features people with disabilities and will be released in June of 2022.
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I do a lot of those… cry for help amidst chaos, but had not heard them called Arrow prayers.
I love that imagery!
Peggy, you are so right. Thank you for that reminder to look at the situation from God’s larger perspective!
When I’m having an it isn’t fair day, It is so important for me to remind myself “you don’t know the big picture” trust that His ways are higher, He does know what he is doing, and he will give me and my child the strength to endure!