The Place Where Grief and Joy Meet
Our son a few hours after he was born.
When our first grandson was born six months ago, I expected joy, and it was there.
I expected to love him at first sight, and I did.
I expected to cry tears of happiness, and they came.
Every emotion was expected, save one.
I never expected to grieve. I never expected his birth to be the place where grief and joy met.
How Could I Have Known?
How could I have known grief would punch me in the gut when our son wheeled the isolette holding his son into the lounge area where four grandparents waited eagerly for their first glimpse of their grandchild? How could I have known this first meeting would unleash a host of powerful emotions buried deep inside my mother’s heart for over 30 years? How could I have known this arrival would rip open wounds created when our newborn was diagnosed with EA/TEF and life-flighted 750 miles away for surgery before he was a day old?
The Grief Was Real
Expected or not, the grief came. And it was real. Very, very real.
Grief for dozens of photos of a healthy, unscarred newborn we never were able to take.
Grief for those first days of quiet nurturing our newborn never knew.
Grief for the pain our baby bore.
Grief for my milk coming in thanks to a pump instead of a baby nuzzling at my breast.
Grief over not getting to take our baby home after a short stay in the hospital.
Grief after grief.
Wave after wave.
Tears upon tears.
Grief that no one, not even my husband, understood.
The rest of this post can be found at the Not Alone website.
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By Jolene
Jolene Philo is the author of several books for the caregiving community. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. Sharing Love Abundantly With Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and Amazon. See Jane Sing!, the second book in the West River cozy mystery series, which features characters affected by disability, was released in November of 2022.
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You’re welcome, Brenda. Thank you for your thoughts, too.
Jolene
I am the grandmother of a wonderful special needs little girl. I can empathize with you and although our granddaughter is now 8 years old, I still grieve periodically over the new challenges she faces each day or over things she will never experience. Then the Lord gently reminds me that she is a gift to us from Him. She has been such a blessing to our family and has brought so much joy to our lives…we couldn’t love her more! Thank you for your honest thoughts.
Brenda
Thank you, Tiffany!
It’s not easy is it Anu?
Very heartfelt and I love hearing it from the grandparents point of view.
I have also gone through the same grief. My little girl also has EA/TEF, she s my first baby…