Special Needs Parent Asks, “What’s a Date Night?”

by Feb 26, 2013How-Tos, Special Needs Parenting2 comments

Date night scheduling is difficult for parents of kids with special needs. Kimberly Drew gives three suggestions to redefine dates and date night.

Date night? If you’re the parent of a child with special needs, you may be asking yourself, “What is date night?” Guest blogger Kimberly Drew gives her answer to that question in today’s post.

What’s a Date??!!

Every now and then, I see a friend post something on Facebook about a date they went on with their husband. I want to comment–but refrain–with, “What’s a date??” It’s not that my husband doesn’t want to go out with me, or that I don’t want to go out with him, we’ve just made a really bad habit of not going out together. When we were in premarital counseling, our pastor told us to make sure that we spent quality one-on-one time together at least once a week. At twenty, I remember thinking, “Is this guy crazy?? We’re going to be together EVERY NIGHT!” Well let me tell you, twelve years, three kids, and a full-time ministry later…we’re lucky to go out one night every three months! As the parents of children with special needs, there are more than enough obstacles to having quality time with your spouse. I’d like to offer several suggestions for carving away some time together.  Who knows, maybe my husband and I will take my advice!

  1. Date Night without Dinner Out: For starters, we’ve had to let go of the idea that a date has to include dinner. We’ve found that some of our best nights out have been after the kids are in bed. It’s so much easier not to have to worry about anyone feeding our daughter, giving her nighttime meds, and getting all the kids to bed. One of my favorite nights out was for dessert and coffee at a restaurant only a half a mile down the road from our house. We had plenty of time together, enjoyed great conversation, and got home in time to snuggle up on the couch and watch a saved episode of our favorite show before bed. I’m sure that I don’t need to point out the benefit of saved cash!
  2. Date Night on a Budget: That money stuff can be a real problem sometimes too, can’t it? I know that you probably have the same revolving door of medical debt that we do. More often than not, we don’t go out because we don’t have the money to pay for a babysitter and a night out. It’s easier in the warmer months when you can do things outside that are free, but in the cold months like February, you have to get creative. Pick your favorite search engine and take a few minutes to look up some date ideas that don’t cost money.
  3. Date Night Is Quality Time: I also think it’s important to redefine what quality time means. It doesn’t always have to be a “date.” For instance, you could try serving side-by-side at a nonprofit organization of your choice, at your child’s school, or even getting in some exercise together. My husband and I work with senior high students together. We love it, and it’s nice to get involved in something outside of our normal life. It gives us plenty to talk and laugh about too.

Good marriages and relationships take time and work.  Don’t let February pass you by without reserving some quality time for each other.

Your Date Night Advice?

Well, Kimberly gave her date night advice, and now it’s your turn. What’s your best date night advice? Or what was your best date night ever? Leave a comment. 

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By Kimberly Drew

Kimberly grew up and went to college in the small town of Upland, IN. She graduated from Taylor University with a degree in Elementary Education in 2002. While at TU, she married her college sweetheart and so began their adventure! Ryan and Kimberly have four amazing kids on earth (Abigail, Jayden, Ellie, and Cooper), and a baby boy waiting for them in heaven. Their daughter Abigail (Abbey) has multiple disabilities including cerebral palsy, a seizure disorder, hearing loss, microcephaly, and oral dysphagia. She is the inspiration behind Kimberly’s desire to write. In addition to being a stay-at-home mom, Kimberly has been serving alongside her husband in full time youth ministry for almost fourteen years. She enjoys working with the senior high girls, scrapbooking, reading, and music. You can visit Kimberly at her website, Promises and Perspective.

2 Comments

  1. Jolene

    What a great idea, Rebekah.

    Jolene

  2. Rebekah Benimoff

    My husband and I occasionally have a “Date day” while our special needs kids are in school. It can be coffee, or lunch, or just bike riding or walking for a while- whatever we have time for. He has PTSD and we have found that going out earlier in the day helps avoid his triggers; crowds and noise are not as bad mid day as they are in the evenings.

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Meet Jolene

Jolene Philo is a published author, speaker, wife, and mother of a son with special needs.

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