Special Needs Parenting Changes Relationships

by Michelle SelentJan 16, 2013Grief, Spiritual Support8 comments

Special needs parenting can be hard on relationships. You name the relationship–spouse, friends, co-workers, typical kids–special needs parenting impacts it.

Special needs parenting can be very hard on relationships. You name the relationship—spouse, friends, co-workers, our typical kids—special needs parenting impacts it. In today’s post, guest blogger Michelle Selent shares the frustrating changes in relationships after she and her husband adopted two daughters with fetal alcohol syndrome.

Changing Relationships

This morning’s post has been on my heart for quite some time now. Many times I have felt the Lord stop my fingers from typing because my heart was just not in the right place. Things get muddled in the pool of hurt and a lack of understanding, so I waited for the Holy Spirit to make things more clear.

One of the biggest adjustments that has come from our adoption journey has been that every single relationship we have or had changed. Some for the worse and some for the better and some new relationships came into play as well.

Changing Responsibilities

As a large family and a special needs family at that, maintaining friendships is hard. Harder than I ever imagined it would be. I know for us personally our parental responsibilities became so great, that I honestly didn’t have, and often times still don’t have, a lot left over. So I am sure that plays a huge role in relationship disintegration.

I am seeking God right now about how to find friendship and community again. I desperately miss doing life with others. Feeling a part and being included in relationships outside our family.

Changing Challenges

Honestly the girls’ neurological issues make it challenging. It is hard to participate in things with them when you know they struggle with impulse control and cause and effect. With my boys I used to help out in the church office, I could take them with me knowing they would listen to me and behave appropriately. Our childcare support system is minimal at best. So I am waiting on the Lord to help me figure things out. Maybe this is just for a season or maybe I need to learn some more skills or maybe God will help us find a better support system.

Changing Prayers

There is an awful ache in my heart to feel connected. Please Lord Jesus help me find friendship. Help me find where I fit with where I am at right now. In your precious faithful name, I pray.

How Has Special Needs Parenting Changed Your Relationships?

Have you experienced relationship changes and frustrations similar to Michelle’s? How do you deal with them? What would help you adjust to these changes? How has God helped you adjust? Leave a comment to share your experience.

photo credit: Shandi-lee via photopin cc

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By Michelle Selent

Michelle is the mother of two adopted daughters with fetal alcohol syndrome. You can connect with her on Instagram.

8 Comments

Jolene on January 21, 2013 at 12:45 pm

Alexa,

Your story highlights how special needs parenting affects friendship with a spouse. Maintaining that friendship can be neglected when a child needs so much care and attention. I’m so glad you and your hubby had time to get away…and discovered you still liked each other!

Jolene
Alexa on January 21, 2013 at 11:11 am

Recently, my husband and I had the opportunity to go away together for a weekend.. My son Justin has not had any major “events” in almost 2 years. We didn’t go far, just to a small town in a rural are about 1.5 hours away. We stayed in a bed and breakfast, went canoeing , and had to time to reconnect. We realized that we really like each other (still after all these years!) We realized that it is vital to our relationship to have that time/space for us. I don’t know how long things will remain stable with Justin, but we are planning to go back to that little town this spring. G-d willing!
Jolene on January 17, 2013 at 1:31 pm

Tracey,

That is so true. Even the smallest things are no longer simple when you’re caring for a child with special needs. It is so hard to get out of the house for groceries, much less to visit with friends.

Thankfully, the internet offers more and more ways for parents raising kids with special needs to connect with one another without leaving home. It can be an important source of support if you find parents who are encouraging and positive rather than negative. I highly recommend Mommies of Miracles FB page and of course the Different Dream FB page, too.

Best wishes to you and check in again soon,
Jolene
Jolene on January 17, 2013 at 1:28 pm

Janet,

Thanks for your advice. Sometimes, it’s hard to have a happy heart when your child is struggling and you don’t have close friends around. But you’re right, sites for parents of kids like this one are a great place to find friends, too.

Warmly,
Jolene
TraceyB on January 17, 2013 at 9:37 am

I couldn’t agree more with this post. After my first son was born, our lives changed in every way imaginable, including divorce. Luke has severe cerebral palsy and is severely disabled. Suddenly everything seemed so difficult. Even the smallest things were no longer simple. We couldn’t just pick up and go any longer and were too tired anyway.

I think the main thing to take away from this post is that support is what we need most. Even if friends and family can’t understand our lives, they can still visit, call, and just check in often.
Janet Dubac on January 17, 2013 at 5:37 am

You should not worry too much about it. There will come a time that you will find someone who will be a good friend to you. Try joining in clubs or organizations of things that spark your interest. You will be able to meet new people and make new friends. You just need a happy heart, a smile, and be friendly; for sure, you will be able to find a friend. Also, don’t forget that you can always find someone to talk to here.:)
Michelle on January 16, 2013 at 12:27 pm

Oh Ruth that sums it up perfectly!!!! Love that!
Ruth Stieff on January 16, 2013 at 9:15 am

Great post. Someone told me, there will be people you think will walk with you and they won’t. There will be people who walk with you that you would never expected.” This is the story of our life. It is exactly what happened for us. Thanks again for sharing.