Siblings of Kids with Special Needs: Do Their Lives Change?

by JoleneNov 19, 2012Advocacy, Special Needs Parenting2 comments

Siblings of kids with special needs often face challenges. Because of the sib's special needs, they often suppress needs, feel guilty or become resentful.

Siblings of kids with special needs often face their own set of challenges. But when the needs of their brothers or sisters are urgent and possibly life-threatening, these siblings sometimes suppress their own needs, feel guilty, or become resentful.

Sibling Confession: Ranit Mishori

Dr. Ranit Mishori, a family practitioner here in Washington and member of the faculty at Georgetown University School of Medicine, penned a Washington Post article about her struggles as the sibling of a brother with severe autism. She very honestly wrote about locking her brother in his bedroom so her date who was picking her up wouldn’t see him. She listed several challenges siblings face:

Missing out on typical family outings
Being embarrassed to bring friends home
Being the focus or cause of tantrums and outbursts
Being expected to grow up quickly and be responsible
Feeling second in importance to parents, because their time and energy is focused on the child with special needs

The article is quite extensive and informative and worth checking it out at Autism can have large effects, good and bad, on a disabled child’s siblings.

Siblings with Special Needs Conversation: Talk of the Nation

The article must have piqued the interest of the talk show planners at National Public Radio. Dr. Mishori was a guest of Neal Conan, host of Talk of the Nation, during the September 25, 2012 broadcast called Siblings with Special Needs Change Childhood. Several guests called in to share their experiences and emotions as the siblings of children with special needs. About halfway through the show, guest Don Meyer, the founder of Sibshops, joined the conversation. Sibshops is a national organization that trains volunteers to run local workshops that support siblings with kids with special needs.

The conversation covered more ground than can be summarized here, so you might want to listen to the story or read the transcript of Siblings with Special Needs Change Childhood at NPR.

Sibling Challenges: What Are You Dealing With?

What kinds of challenges are the siblings of kids with special needs facing at your house? How are you dealing with them? What kind of help do you need? What resources have you found useful? Leave a comment so we can work together to meet the needs of all our children.

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By Jolene

Jolene Philo is the author of several books for the caregiving community. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. Sharing Love Abundantly with Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and Amazon. See Jane Dance!, the third book in the West River cozy mystery series, which features characters affected by disability, was released in October of 2023.

2 Comments

Jolene on November 20, 2012 at 12:33 pm

Dear Linsey,

Thank you for sharing your experience as a sibling to brothers with special needs. You give a balanced perspectives of positives and negatives as a sibling. I’m so glad to hear how you appreciate and love your siblings for who they are. You sound like a wonderful ambassador and advocate for them. Best wishes to your family!

Jolene
Linsey on November 19, 2012 at 10:25 pm

I am seventeen years old, and I have two older brothers. One with Down Syndrome, and one with Autism. When I was younger it was harder growing up. My dad is a hard working farmer, and my mom would help him. So I started watching my brothers at a very young age. Cooking for them, and cleaning up after them. My brother who has austim had a bad temper when he was young. With kids at school not being nice to me, and then coming home to my brother. It wasn’t the greatest time for me. Obviously since both of us have gotten older it’s better, and both of my brothers are living at their own house.

But having two older brothers with disabilities have made me more patient, understading, and more accepting towards people in general. Once I was in 8th grade I wanted to make sure other people knew that my brothers are social, and want to make friends. Don’t just turn your back on my brothers when they say hi, or offer to give you a high five. Cause even they talk different, or socialize in a different way. They want to make friends, they want to have people around them. If only people would be more open minded towards people with disabilities. It would make me feel better about my brothers not being stared at, or people always asking me ” Is it really diffcult with them?” “Are they hard to handle?” Or you tell them what disabilities your siblings have, and they reply back with “I’m sorry.” Why are you sorry?

I love my brothers, and would never change them. They are happy, healthy, and enjoy life. Don’t feel sorry for them. Don’t judge them before you get to know them, because they’re the two most important people in my life, and I am proud to say that I am their sister.