Parents of kids with special needs, even when those children become adults, need support from friends and family. Kathy Guzzo, guest blogger and parent of an adult child who lives with lupus, is here today and tomorrow with suggestions of ways to support parents and families. Read on and I think you’ll agree many of these suggestions apply to all special needs families, no matter what age their kids.

When a child is ill, regardless of their age, parents shift into caretaker mode. Nothing is more important at that time than doing what we can care for our child. The daily responsibilities and small tasks may cross our mind, and we wonder how they will get done, but if we want to keep our sanity, we know we must just let them go. This is where friends and family can be a huge help even if the child happens to be an adult. However, their needs are a little different. And if the adult child lives in another state and/or is married things become even more complicated.

Even though our adult daughter has been hospitalized and needed extended care at home several times, I never really thought about what others could do during those times. Then a friend’s son became seriously ill. Although he was married and not living at home, she needed to be with him as much as possible. I really wanted to help her, to support her, but I wasn’t sure what to do.  That’s when I looked back to my personal experience and asked myself what others could’ve done to lighten my load and brighten my day. In the past few months, I’ve written them down and even put some into practice. In each case I felt great knowing their lives were a little brighter and less stressful.

Top 10 Things To Do for A Friend Whose Adult Child Is Ill

1. Think specifically about what will help, uplift, and be appreciated by your friend. For example, don’t offer to do their laundry if you know they are extremely particular about how it’s folded and/or ironed.
2. Bring a home cooked meal. Don’t ask when to bring a meal. Tell them you’re bringing dinner. You could even take it a step further and organize freezer meals for others to prepare that you take all at once. That way they doesn’t feel they need to ‘entertain’ when a meal is dropped off.
3. Think of small things they may not think of at the onset of a serious illness. At the emergency room I wanted to be available without intruding, so when I realized my friend had forgotten her own medications at home and their dog needed to be let out, I volunteered and continued to let her dog out when necessary. Other small things are checking the mail, putting the trash out or bringing in the cans, even checking the expiration date on milk.
4. Clean the bathroom and kitchen. Many people are uncomfortable having a friend clean their entire house, however if you remind them how nice it would be to come home to a clean bathroom and kitchen, they may agree. Or give them a specific time that you will come over to help them clean, fold laundry, etc. Cleaning together also is a great time to have a real heart to heart with your friend in a relaxed setting.
5. Flowers are always a nice surprise. Either already on the table when she returns home, dropped off as a surprise, or delivered to where she’s staying if she’s away.
6. Send encouraging notes. Or send Bible verses or cards via text, email or mail. If you mail a card, consider including a gift card for restaurants.
7. Respect the family’s privacy. Don’t feel you should visit either at home or in the hospital. Parents wants to spend as much time as possible with their children and many times visitors take more of an emotional toll than the illness itself. Respect their desire to be with family only. Also, offer to be the contact person for other friends by sending out updates via text or email.
8. Create goodie bags. Occasionally put together bags of chocolate, pretzels, puzzle book, magazine, notepad, pen, fun Kleenex, small gift cards for coffee or sandwiches, etc. These can be dropped off at her home, the hospital, or even mailed.
9. Be available to listen. Sometimes just talking helps them organize all that’s been happening.
10. Pray for families and watch for opportunities to serve them.

What’s on Your Top Ten List?

Kathy’s list made me think of a few ways to support parents to add to the list. If you have more ideas, leave a comment. And come back tomorrow for Part 2, when Kathy talks about supporting parents by knowing what not to say.

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