Parents of kids with special needs tend to be worriers. Mainly because they have more to worry about than other parent do. Many worry not only about their kids with special needs who require extra time and parenting energy, but also about the siblings who get the short end of the attention stick more than mom and dad like.
Thank You, Nannies4Hire.com
A recent post at Nannies4Hire.com offered some sound advice for parents wondering if the sibs of a child with special needs are being affected. Candi Wingate, the post’s author had this to say about the effect family environment has on siblings. “For example,” Wingate says, “children who are raised in calm home environments with parents who exhibit emotional intelligence will be better able to handle their circumstances well, putting their special needs siblings before themselves most of the time and doing so without backlash. Similarly, children who are empathetic and nurturing will also be better able to handle their circumstances likewise. Conversely, children who are raised in chaotic, self-focused families, and children who are themselves self-focused and lacking in empathy and a nurturing nature, will have a more difficult time adapting to their circumstances. These children will engage in attention-seeking behaviors (even if the attention garnered is negative, such as punishment from a parent), sporadically act out their anger and frustration, and, without remediation, will ultimately escalate into full-scale rebellion by the adolescent years, thus potentially charting the course for the rest of the child’s life.”
Talk about the importance of a parent’s example! Whoa!
5 Strategies Parents Can Use with Siblings of Kids with Special Needs
But even when sibs are raised by parents who create calm home environments, who exhibit emotional intelligence, who nurture and show empathy to all, sometimes the sibs need a little something extra. Wingate shares these 5 strategies for providing it:
- Every day, ask the sibs how they’re feeling – and then listen to their answers.
- Know what’s important to each of your kids and act accordingly.
- Plan individual date nights with each of your kids.
- Talk to the sibs when they exhibit anger, resentment and frustration. Listen to their answers and apologize if necessary.
- Seek professional help if the anger, resentment and frustration continues to fester.
To read the entire article, complete with examples for several of the above points, visit www.nannies4hire.com.
Check Out Don Meyer and Sibshops
No discussion of resources for siblings of kids with special needs is complete without mentioning Don Meyer and Sibshops. For more information about the extensive resources this organization offers, visit www.siblingsupport.org. And please, share any good resources for siblings you’ve discovered by leaving a comment.
Do you like what you see at DifferentDream.com? You can receive more great content by subscribing to the quarterly Different Dream newsletter and signing up for the daily RSS feed delivered to your email inbox. You can sign up for the first in the pop up box and the second at the bottom of this page.
Selena,
What an elegant way to help your daughter. It’s good for you, your child, and your friend at church. How wonderful for both of them to know they are not alone. Something needed at age 8 and 28.
Jolene
Selena,
What an elegant way to help your daughter. It’s good for you, your child, and your friend at church. How wonderful for both of them to know they are not alone. Something needed at age 8 and 28.
Jolene
I have found a friend at church (28 yrs old) whose sister has a syndrome similar to my son’s. We have talked many times about what it’s like to have a sibling with the amount of medical needs they have. When I have to take my son to a Dr’s appointment or somewhere where I really need to focus on him, I call on her to hang out with my 8 year old daughter. She loves the one on one time and I know she’s in good hands!
I have found a friend at church (28 yrs old) whose sister has a syndrome similar to my son’s. We have talked many times about what it’s like to have a sibling with the amount of medical needs they have. When I have to take my son to a Dr’s appointment or somewhere where I really need to focus on him, I call on her to hang out with my 8 year old daughter. She loves the one on one time and I know she’s in good hands!
Thanks, Steve.
Jolene
Thanks, Steve.
Jolene
Hi Lisa,
Good for you for supporting SibShop. If the parents came up with other suggestions, feel free to share them.
Jolene
Hi Lisa,
Good for you for supporting SibShop. If the parents came up with other suggestions, feel free to share them.
Jolene
We just did a SibShop the other night during a support group for our parents where the topic was sibling relationships. The kids had a blast and parents got to share ideas like these!
We just did a SibShop the other night during a support group for our parents where the topic was sibling relationships. The kids had a blast and parents got to share ideas like these!
Outstanding post! Sound advice for parents of kids with special needs.
Outstanding post! Sound advice for parents of kids with special needs.