Welcome back for Part 4 of the interview with Greg Lucas, who blogs about living with Jake, his son who has special needs. If you haven’t read Part 1, Part 2 or Part 3 of this interview, you may want to go back and do so before diving in here. And be sure to visit Greg’s blog, Wrestling with an Angel, when you have the chance.
Greg Lucas Interview, Part Four
In this post, Greg shares his opinions about this question: What can churches, schools, friends, family, medical community do better to support parents of kids with special needs? I think you’ll find his answers to be insightful and challenging.
Churches
Make it easier for parents of special needs children to worship. Realize that this one morning may be the only time they get to sit and reflect on the word of God while being encouraged by good biblical preaching. Start a disabled ministry that fits the disabled children in your church. Do this even if there is only one child with a disability. I promise that when your church develops a reputation for ministering to disabled families, more will come. Even if you do not currently have any disabled children in your congregation, train members of your church and have them prepared just in case such a family would visit.
Schools
Educate children on disability and form mentor groups within the special education classes. If you want to build and develop more productive children in society, let them spend some quality time in the special needs classrooms. While we may need to segregate for special education purposes, we also need to integrate for character building purposes.
Friends
Some of the dearest friends we’ve had have been the ones who have loved Jake like he was one of their own—smells, sounds and behaviors included. Families with disabled children are sometimes hesitant to expose their life to others. Be the friend that they can be comfortable around.
Family
You are the lifeline. When all else fails, babysitters call in, sickness invades, work schedules conflict, disaster comes, or just some time alone is desperately needed, extended and immediate family members should be there to take up the slack. Call often and ask if everything is ok. Give the parents a regular date night or a weekend away. At the very least, let your special needs family know that you are there if they need you. Again, you are their lifeline.
Your Turn Now
If you have ideas to add to Greg’s suggestions, please leave a comment. And come back in a few days for the last post in this series. Greg will be sharing some advice for parents of kids with special needs. Today’s photo comes from Terri Mauro, the moderator of specialchildren.about.com. Check her out, too!
Wrestling with an Angel, Part 1
Wrestling with an Angel, Part 2
Wrestling with an Angel, Part 3
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Christine,
Your feelings are so normal. I reacted the same way after our son was born. In fact I was so angry with God. “I did everything right,” I argued, “and those other moms are doing everything wrong. How come my baby requires so much more care?” Eventually, I came to the same conclusion you did. (My husband got there much sooner than me.) We were his parents for a reason, and God had equipped us for his parenting challenges.
Your child is blessed to have parents who have learned that lesson, too!
Jolene
I finally had the time to read Greg’s story. I’m in awe. Thank you for sharing this. I recall once when I was struggling with the ‘whys’ of having a disabled & chronically ill child and I was venting to my mom through the phone. I was questioning why this little boy had to go through so much despite doing everything right he was still not healthy. Yet, around me I seen pregnant mothers smoking, neglecting prenatal care, and having ‘normal healthy babies’. I was sobbing asking why.My mom, 700 miles away, told me that I had a disabled child because I could handle it. Plain and simple. That God chose my husband and I simply because we could handle it, grow from it, not be discouraged, that we would advocate for our child and others,and that we wouldn’t take no for an answer. We only got stronger from having him. A disabled child does renew your faith. Most seem to think it makes you question it, but for our family, we know that God picked the most special children for us. A friend of mine, Nicole said that these kids seem to have a special light around them that people are just drawn to. I believe that. They have a kind of knowing about them that we are attracted to. I’ve had strangers give me the “I’m sorry for you look” if only they knew that we are the lucky ones, don’t feel sorry for us as we are the one’s that live with angels.
Hi Kathleen,
Your suggestion is great. A list like that would be a great addition to Different Dream Parenting. If anyone has more ideas, please leave a comment or send an email. I should be compiling them now. Kathleen, would you be willing to do an interview for my new book?
Jolene
There are well-meaning people in the church and community who want to help and just don’t know how. It is helpful to have specifics ready to suggest. I wish someone would come up with a master list or checklist like the one at the top of the blog but more exhaustive, to have prepared when I am asked how others can help. I never seem to be able to think on my feet. 🙂
Amen- great suggestions!
I had some woman friends who sat me down and said what can we do to help and would not take no for an answer!