In the previous post in this series, you met Teresa Lasher and heard just a little about her life with an ADHD child. Today, you can read her whole story.
Life with an ADHD Kid
People with good intentions said, “God doesn’t give us more than we can handle,” or “God only gives special kids to special parents.” I didn’t feel specially blessed, but felt I was being punished.
My special child was labeled ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). ADHD meant our son had a short attention span, his mind circled continuously, and body rarely sat still for any length of time. I should have figured we were in for the ride of our life when I received a call from his teacher—it was the first week of kindergarten. Andrew had hit a classmate in the head with his metal lunchbox. Soon, I didn’t even want to answer our phone, suspecting it was either a teacher or the principal. Why couldn’t his teachers see the sensitive, needy individual beneath the crusty exterior?
About an hour before the school bus dropped off our children, a sense of impending doom crept over me. My head throbbed and heart rate increased to the point of feeling nauseous. Applying a cool cloth on my forehead, I’d crash on my bed for a few moments of peace before the storm erupted. I knew the moment my ADHD son opened the door (and possibly on the walk up our driveway) that there’d be no more solitude or semblance of order in our household.
Anything could (and usually did) happen when our son appeared on the scene:
- Taunting his sister/the dog/cat/bird/fish
- Wrangling over homework and chores
- Destroying property
- Biting words, such as “I hate you!”
Feelings of Inadequacy
Convinced no one would understand, or worse yet, label me an inadequate parent, I buried my pain deep inside which accomplished nothing worthwhile. When I reached the extent of my own powers, I began to honestly share our struggles with friends and family. I soon discovered the magnificent power of praying people. We didn’t need critical judgment or raised eyebrows. Our family needed a shoulder to cry on and practical advice such as:
- Keep loving him unconditionally—especially when I least felt like loving him.
- Daily and deliberately demonstrate love with a gentle touch on the shoulder, arm, or hand.
- Never, never, never give up!
Hope Beyond Hope
The following verses gave me hope while helping soothe fresh wounds:
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord,” and will bring you back from captivity.” Jeremiah 29:11-13
I viewed our troubles with finite vision. God really did have our best interests in mind not wanting to harm us, but desiring our family to grow and prosper. Even though we as parents dearly loved our child, God loved him more than we could possibly imagine. And he was the one in control!
To read more about Teresa or to contact her, check out her blog.
Thanks, Teresa, for sharing your story. If any of you have kids with ADHD or ADD, please leave a comment about what helps you love your special needs child, even when it’s hard.
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Marcy, thank you for the book title. It’s now on my reading list.
With the special needs of an ADHD child I have come upon a wonderful book by Daniel Amen “The Magnificent Mind” he has sections in it about children with like kinds of wiring. He suggests supplements rather then drugs. This way the child is more of a participant in how he feels. The book is and was helpful for me in my passing from mother to grandmother and the hormones that are changing my outlook and some days my contentment.
Dear Cheryl,
You are so on the right track, “try to focus on that enable me to see this beautiful boy, who is full of life and energy, wanting to be liked, wanting to be loved.” They will continue to need this unconditional love and concern into adulthood. Joel is blessed to have you as his mother and mentor. God had blessed our lives with special miracles!
Teresa
http://lasherstudios.com/blog/
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God had truly blessed Joel with a loving mother who cares more about her child than herself. Thank you for describing how God has helped you love your son.
Hi Jolene. 🙂 I can so relate to what Teresa has shared, her feelings of impending doom when her son comes home, afraid of who is calling when the phone rings. There are definitely days that it is extremely hard to love Joel, but I find myself stepping back and “studying” him, trying to understand who he is and his feelings. I see a poor confused, uptight, little boy who doesn’t know why he does the things he does. There are days when I am “studying” Joel that I see this beautiful little boy that God has blessed me with. His beautiful smile, his laugh, his funny quirks and noises he makes,sometimes making ME laugh. 🙂 It is in those times, the positive moments, that I try to focus on that enable me to see this beautiful boy, who is full of life and energy, wanting to be liked, wanting to be loved, that makes it easier for me to love my boy. 🙂