When Bad News Does a Number on Your Faith

by Sep 21, 2016Encouragement, Spiritual Support0 comments

Where do parents of kids with special needs find strength to go on when the world does a number on their faith? 1 Peter offers answers.

After you have suffered for a little while,
the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ,
will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you.
1 Peter 5:10–11

At her last visit to the dentist my 87-year-old mother learned that the aging process is doing a number on her teeth. After her hygienist suggested a deep cleaning was in order, Mom’s response was less than enthusiastic. “It was a terrible appointment,” Mom said when we met in the waiting room. “I could have gone my whole life without news like that.”

I made suitable, empathetic noises while we scheduled the extra cleaning. I practiced active listening techniques during lunch and tried to cheer her up. “Look at the bright side, Mom. You’re almost 88. You have all your teeth. You have dental insurance that makes the procedure affordable.”

She was inconsolable. “I just wasn’t expecting this kind of news,” she said. “It’s awful.”
“Mom,” I said as my supportive, loving daughter veneer peeled away, “you’re acting as if you’ve got cancer instead of early stage periodontal disease. Try to put this in perspective.” But she couldn’t. At least not until her son visited her and managed to coax her out of her funk by mentioning that he’d had the same procedure done a few years back.

Reflecting on Mom’s situation, I see similarities between the way she reacted at the dentist and how I responded when our son was young and the doctor delivered news so bad it did a number on my faith.  First, my reaction focused on what was wrong. Not only that, but I viewed past and present blessings as my right. I rarely expressed gratitude when our son’s health improved, but complained loudly when it went downhill.

Second, I often responded to my child’s situation from a purely temporal and earthly perspective. Instead of standing firm on the rock of God’s sovereignty, I grew despondent and fearful when our parenting experience unfold differently than expected. When another surgery was scheduled, when a virus laid my baby low, or when he refused to eat, I acted as though the possibility of death meant the end of all things–though as a Christian I claimed to stand on the promise of eternal life with Christ.

Christian parents of kids with special needs have little to offer our children or other parents when we respond with ingratitude, hopelessness, and fear. But how can you avoid those faithless responses when bad news about your child does a number on your faith? A clue to that question’s answer can be found in Mom’s recovery from her funk. It ended when a visit with her son changed her perspective.

Similarly, by spending time with God’s Son in His Word, your perspective and your future responses will change and your faith will grow. When you consider how Christ’s absolute confidence in God’s sovereignty and an eternal perspective influenced His responses to the violent death He suffered. When you cling to the promise of Jesus to never leave or forsake us. When your faith and your gaze stand upon the risen Christ and anticipate His future resurrection.

When your feet are firmly planted on those realities, you can trust Jesus and respond with hope and confidence. Because you will know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that what He promises is absolutely certain. God’s eternal and unchanging best is yet to come.

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By Jolene

Jolene Philo is the author of the Different Dream series for parents of kids with special needs. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. She’s also the creator and host of the Different Dream website. Sharing Love Abundantly With Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and at Amazon.

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Meet Jolene

Jolene Philo is a published author, speaker, wife, and mother of a son with special needs.

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