Moving from Us versus Them to We

by Aug 27, 2015School/Education, Special Needs Parenting0 comments

Many parents of kids with special needs begin the school year with an us versus them attitude. These 5 tips can help parents move from us versus them to we.

For 25 years, I dreaded August. Not because of my anxieties as a parent. But because of my anxieties as a teacher whose inclusive fourth grade classroom contained a high percentage of special need and at risk students.

What made me anxious?

Getting the classroom in order.
New procedures that ate away at preparation and teaching time.
Meeting students.
Meeting parents.
Not having the resources to meet expectations of parents and administrators.
Not meeting the needs of my students.

One additional item created more anxiety than anything else on the list.

Mama Bears. Or Papa Bears. Also known as Mama Tigers. Or Papa Tigers.

They were the parents who climbed the stairs to my classroom on the first day of school with a chip on their shoulders so wide their kids walked a few steps behind them. Their kids looked embarrassed. And scared. And anxious. Just like me. With one difference. I understood they’d become Mama and Papa Bears for a reason.

They were fighting for their children’s futures.

By the time their kids reached fourth grade, they’d been fighting for a long time. They’d been to countless conferences where teachers were bearers of bad news:

Your child’s behavior isn’t age-appropriate.
Your child isn’t reading at grade level.
Your child doesn’t get along with others.
Your child doesn’t listen.
Your child is falling behind.
Your child needs a different placement.

By the time their kids were in fourth grade, after innumerable negative experiences, they perceived their relationships with teachers as us versus them.

But the kids need parents who can move from us versus them to we.

To read the rest of this post, visit the Not Alone website at www.specialneedsparenting.net.

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By Jolene

Jolene Philo is the author of the Different Dream series for parents of kids with special needs. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. She’s also the creator and host of the Different Dream website. Sharing Love Abundantly With Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and at Amazon.

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Meet Jolene

Jolene Philo is a published author, speaker, wife, and mother of a son with special needs.

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