7 Unspoken Realities of Special Needs Parenting

by Apr 28, 2014Self-Care and Stress, Special Needs Parenting6 comments

Raising kids with special needs is full of surprising realities that parents find hard to share. Here are 7 realities we want the general public to know.

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Raising kids with special needs is full of surprising realities. Realities not often shared with other families because parents don’t want to sound whiny or complaining. But by avoiding that trap, we often fall into a different trap. A trap of isolation created by our lack of communication. So I was really happy to find a post by Michele Cushatt. She’s wife to 1, mom to 6, a speaker, and writer. Three of their children are adopted and deal with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD).

7 Unspoken Realities of Special Needs Parenting

In a post at her blog, Michele speaks out about 7 special needs parenting realities. Here’s a summary of what she said:

  1. We’re not snubbing you. It’s just that each day is an effort at survival. Please. Don’t give up on us.
  2. We don’t always know how to ask for help. Special needs families deal with big needs, maybe impossible ones. They appreciate it when you ask to help, but we’re not likely to ask you to take on needs like that.
  3. Our kids aren’t like your kids. Don’t assume our kids are the same just because your son screamed in the grocery store once. We have meltdowns almost every day. Saying “all kids do that” invalidates our reality.
  4. We don’t need your parenting advice. Maybe we do, but save it for a different time, okay? We don’t need you to fix us. We need you to be with us.
  5. Support services are more imaginary than real. There’s often a great chasm between the discussion of support services and the provision of them. We often feel quite alone when we bring our children home.
  6. Some days we want to run away. Some days we need to mourn what’s been lost. We need you to listen without judgment.
  7. We’d do it all over again. Though you’ve seen our tears and frustration, we would do it all over again. It’s worth it.

The complete article can be found at What Parents of Special Needs Kids Need You to Know.

What Do You Want Other Families to Know?

What other unspoken realities do you want others to know? Now’s your chance to speak out. Share them in the comment box.

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By Jolene

Jolene Philo is the author of the Different Dream series for parents of kids with special needs. She speaks at parenting and special needs conferences around the country. She’s also the creator and host of the Different Dream website. Sharing Love Abundantly With Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities, which she co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman, was released in August of 2019 and is available at local bookstores, their bookstore website, and at Amazon. The first book in her cozy mystery series, See Jane Run!, features people with disabilities and will be released in June of 2022.

6 Comments

  1. Jolene

    Bonnie,

    Those comments are so common, and it’s so hard to know how to respond so our children don’t think there’s something wrong with them or falsely assume they will grow out of their conditions. I think it all comes down to educating the public about how to better respond and educating our kids about how to forge ahead with their lives. Thanks for stopping by.

  2. Bonnie Payne

    We hear a lot, “Oh, he’ll come right,” which seems to mean that some day our son will out grow his special needs. First I wish people understood that while we hope he grows to be a fully independent and functioning adult–he will always be ADHD, SPD, and hearing impaired. And I wish they wouldn’t say “he’ll come right,” as if to say how he is now is wrong. We love our boy so much and he is already the best Ian he could be! Even on the hard days we would adopt that sweet little chubby cheeked 6 week old baby all over again–he is just one of the best kids I have ever known!

  3. Jolene

    That is so true, Matt. Loved ones may not understand how hard it is to get out of the house and how much nervous energy is used trying to hold everyone together during a visit.

  4. Jolene

    You’re welcome, Sandy. Glad it spoke to you.

  5. matt fields

    One of the biggest things I’ve heard from family is you never come over to visit, which it takes a lot to get out of the house and most of the time we have to fight with kids to go somewhere and hear them scream when we turn in to places or there houses!!!

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Meet Jolene

Jolene Philo is a published author, speaker, wife, and mother of a son with special needs.

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