Today’s post comes from a new Different Dream blogger, Nickie White. In her first post, she shares some special needs parenting frustrations and hopes we all share.

Whose Special Needs Battle Is It, Anyway?

Tonight I could absolutely lose my mind.

I was cooking two different skillets of grilled cheese, one with margarine, gluten-free bread and rice cheese, and one with two wheat-bread-with-dairy-cheese sandwiches… when I walked away to referee an argument between my children, and the smoke alarm went off. Then the house alarm was triggered…then the sirens on the two-way rescue system turned on. I entered the code and…NOTHING…then four little voices began to all ask questions about why or how or are we going to catch fire?

I called the alarm company, trying to talk over the two way system installed in my house, but I couldn’t hear them over the sirens and children. The dispatcher called my husband (in California this week) to ask him if we need aid…and he’s now blowing up my phone with messages while I am talking to the dispatcher, explaining that I have just burnt a grilled cheese…or by now all three.

Joel couldn’t have gone out of town last week when both my parents spent time in town? I couldn’t have been making only one pan of grilled cheese? No, those are easy options and folks, that just ain’t the path we are on. I glanced over to the 2 inch, three-ring binder with a vinyl label reading LOGAN in cute font, realizing that my priorities can sometimes be jaded. My youngest son has been having unexplained medical issues for months now, and none of the doctor’s we’ve gone to have been able to discover why this is happening. We’ve been spinning in circles…for months.

When Joel is gone for these short trips it never fails that I refuse to unwind, to listen to music and calm my soul I plow: laundry, dishes, whatever is in my path. It must be done. I bark all the way through. In my mind I’m getting the house ready for Joel to come back, but I’m just hiding the fear of weakness or failure.

There are nights I read my Bible angrily, desperate for GOD to just shout at me! My heart is raw almost to default. Certain in my mind that He has taught me quite enough in this last year, my heart still craves more. Not the heartache but the gut-wrenching lessons. We are indeed fighting an uphill battle and I must just keep my sword sharp.

My sword. My priority.

Have you ever done a sword drill? During Wednesday night services as a kid we did, every week. I knew the song. I could go right to a book of the Bible before most around me. IT was part of me. Is it still that way? No, it isn’t. That big green 2 inch binder with Logan written in a cute font seems to consume me some days.

Googling specialists across the country can occupy hours of my time. I can’t solve all the issues all at once. I can battle against deceit and I can hope to make my littlest son as comfortable as I know how, but the truth is I can’t fight these battles with a dull sword.

David used but a stone to conquer a giant, yet his human mistakes cost him God’s blessing and brought sorrow on his family. What was the difference? The giant wasn’t his to fight. When David forgot only the stone was his and the giant was conquered by God, it set the stage for his kingdom to begin crumbling.

I too must remember who conquers the giants. My priorities must be sharpening my sword, so when HE speaks to me in my angry moments I can hear Him. That green binder is important for Logan’s care, but it won’t heal him or bring him comfort. It may be my stone but it can only be used by Him, for the battle is the Lord’s.

You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; ‘
stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you, Judah and Jerusalem.
Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.
Go out to face them tomorrow, and the LORD will be with you.'”
2 Chronicles 20:17

Who’s Fighting Your Battle?

Does Nickie’s struggle resonate with you? What verses or Bible truths help you give the battle back to the Lord? Leave them in the comment box to encourage others.

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