Jo Ashline is mom to a son with special needs. Lately she's been learning that some of his behaviors are little boy behaviors that don't need fixing.

Once in a while, the parent of a child with special needs posts a column that hits the nail on the head. A piece published in the Orange County Register on May 14 did exactly that.

Meet Jo Ashline

The author is Jo Ashline, mother of Andrew, who has autism and is non-verbal. She writes a column called The Modified Life about special needs parenting for the Orange County Register. In the post Some Things Don’t Need Fixing, Ashline was refreshingly honest about how hard it is to tell the difference between which behaviors need fixing and which ones don’t. Here’s a snippet from a conversation between Ashline and the in-home therapist:

“‘What do you mean there’s nothing to fix?’ I ask her. ‘He’s upset, non-compliant, and sort of a pain in the rear lately. What kind of intervention can we do?’ I pathetically whine.

‘I think he’s just being a little boy, Jo. A little boy who isn’t getting his way every second of the day and needs a way to vent his little boy frustrations. I don’t think this is autism or anything other than just regular, developmentally-appropriate emotions for a kid who can’t get his way.'”

Ringing Any Bells for You?

Don’t you love it? Are you identifying with her desire to fix everything? Can you see yourself hunting for an intervention for what could just be regular kid behavior?

During my teaching days, parents asked questions like this often. “What’s wrong? What should we be doing differently? How do we fix this?” parents of kids with special needs asked. Usually about what was every day, garden variety kid behavior that typical kids and kids with special needs exhibited on a daily basis.

The Problem Is…

The problem was (and still is) this: parents have close contact with only their 2 or 3 or 5 kids, not a big enough group to determine what’s typical kid behavior and what’s not. Teachers and therapists and pediatric health care workers, especially those who have years of experience, observe a bigger pool of kids. So it’s sometimes easier for them to recognize which behaviors need “fixing” and which need good, old-fashioned parental discipline. When one of those professionals says, “Maybe this doesn’t need fixing,” you can sit back and smile. You’re about to experience an every day, run-of-the mill, parenting challenge.

Relish the Moment

So go ahead and deal with it.
Be the parent.
Create the needed structure.
Enforce the rules.
Allow natural consequences to occur.
And relish the moment.
Because you are parenting.
Because not everything requires special needs fixing.

What Was Your Aha Moment?

Want to join Jo Ashline in being refreshingly honest? Then leave a comment about an aha moment – when you realized you were dealing with typical kid behavior – and how you dealt with it.

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